And Yet Again

why does it seem like whenever I get back around to coming on here it always feels like deja vu, maybe because any other time I don’t get back around to coming on here? As I was looking at my a post that I’d gotten a notice that had been looked at; wow, hard to believe it was back in February, first thing I noticed was about a funeral but I didn’t put whose, went back to look at my planner and realized I hadn’t been able to get one last year in time to start it at the beginning of the year so nothing there but as I read further about the blizzard I remembered -oh, what a day that was, so…I thought I hadn’t posted about it but when went back to look realized I had the day before… life in the midst of death -, again, this is interesting, with youngest supposedly planning to leave on a trip, though he hasn’t gone yet, so….now the car won’t start and…hm…just found out Sunday that hub’s new vehicle isn’t jumper cable equipped either, thought they all were, but seems maybe just mine – is that supposed to say something? his is not, either? hm..maybe  because normally if he’s taking a trip, he takes his dad’s but then that’s the one just found out wasn’t either, so he went all the way on his vacation without any? hm..- oh, wow, hm… anyway he just came in talking about the very same thing; hm…wonder if they remembered – saying college police good for something; for jumping you off, but, hm…what does that say? he was thinking we’d replaced the battery but, hm…did we? and, then, twice, now, recently, he’s locked his key up in his car, since we got him a spare

so what is the interesting, deja vu thing, about all this? the fact that hub went to a funeral again yesterday, by himself, that I didn’t go to, just like before

only in this situation there was a, what in my world is – if you read about the last one being totally different – typical “visitation” – rather than viewing – where you’re going, really as much to “visit” with the family as to “view” the deceased, and my connection to the family is only in  a somewhat broad sense; there actually are some family connections but not really mine but hubs – the whole inlaw thing that, you know how that is, after there’s already been a death and things begin to break apart; one of those deaths being one of the brothers already and I don’t think even his widow went; you can still have the connection but can seem as if to extend that to the family as a whole, like in a situation like that is not always still wanted, so and I did already have something planned anyway…I did ask last night about things and learned somewhat something about another one that I did not know, so feel was just as well, if not better, but certainly not the same type situation, would have been no need to go, in the sense of a personal connection like in this situation, so…

but, just found it interesting, got a phone call yesterday, actually got more than one, or possibly, didn’t answer the first one, just handed it off,  but nothing said before but yesterday got the call to see if I were going to the funeral, hm…was I expected? wanted? hm…oh, and timing interesting as well; these were both Tuesday and Wednesday things

my usefulness is an issue on Wednesdays, but especially with the timing, which was much later yesterday than the previous, even later than typical, not sure why, but, somewhat like the evening’s before, maybe especially with hub not going to be home,  things different, making situation somewhat even more needfully useful, although, since none of us in indispensable, could have been done without me, but…

again, interesting how all these things seem to tend to want to happen on Wednesdays but of all things the very day that usefulness starting back up with the new school year the very day, because of a lot of other factors, don’t have my vehicle and sure hated to miss the very first day, especially since, although, as said earlier, none of us indispensable, have been made to feel at least definitely useful, so actually made the effort, as have been told to do, to try to see if anybody else, since there are those who live over my way, could give me a ride; crazy, how it all worked out, but it did, so…

yesterday was my day to pay it forward and was so glad to be able to do so….especially since for the same reason, no, not the vehicle issue, although, true enough, they didn’t have theirs there, even though they also live my way, although I didn’t know that, but for a very different reason, but their reason they were needing to leave early – bad headache and I’d just had one a few days before, on a very day when I had some things I had to do, that hadn’t had to deal with in years as well as, hm..just realized had somewhat to do with why I hadn’t had my vehicle that day; hm….anyway, not quite sure fully understand everything they’d had worked out but the leader – seemingly, in many ways, a true servant leader who, to me, anyway, in many ways, is definitely not wasting his youth, although he doesn’t see himself as young any longer; things like this make me realize my own age because he’s definitely younger than me – was going to leave himself and take her when I realized I live that way; of course he does, too, but he was going to have to come back where I usually left about then anyway and don’t go back but come on home; my kids were basically ready and those that weren’t could probably benefit from spending time with him and others more so than me staying, in that situation, so I offered to take her instead; you could almost feel/see his relief, though he would never have said so; he may not realize I live his way, although his wife does – that’s another interesting take, maybe because she seems to be being a true help “meet”, truly suitable, for him, worked out beautifully, which would not have been the case had I gone to the funeral, although not sure what would have happened there had I but at least since I didn’t, there were some family issues that did but, again, since they involved his family, hm…which is somewhat raising a question and actually brings up other questions, new baby involved – the circle of life, losing children – this was actually the oldest of the family, not the first to leave but something about when the oldest finally passes; the others seem anomalies, but when the oldest goes, it seems the start of the passing of the generations, gets the rest to thinking and it’s the youngest is where we have the connection and, according to hub, he’s looking bad; now, granted, he hasn’t seen him in a while and I saw him the other day, so maybe I’m looking at it differently, and, true, regardless, to the way it used to be before the death in our/his/my hub/not this youngest brother’s/family it is a lot different; been so much happen, which has led to so much…seems everybody’s thinking – life, no matter how long, is short, and then what?

so, somewhat on that note, I’m leaving, with this last thought, to also tie in with before –

since it is so short, what is its purpose – to be useful?

About donnainthesouth

I'm a transplant, born up north but raised in the middle, now I'm down here where you don't see too many snowflakes; I'll probably post just about as often (here at least)
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