well, not today anymore, since I didn’t do this yesterday but that’s when I lost my dad, barely or, wait, maybe not, why am I thinking it was after midnight – no, it wasn’t, it was before, so last night when I did what I did, maybe I wasn’t as far off as I thought, so I actually probably really blew it – anyway,
we’d brought him home from the hospital on hospice after a lot of back and forth with that – no guarantees we’d even make it home – so really in a lot of ways didn’t really want to risk it but we pretty much had to –
remember how much colder last year this time was than it is this year?…
so no way was I going to let him come home in the middle of the night – and, yes, this night before was the coldest – get this – the coldest it had been in, yes, 30 yrs. – so No Way – and, yes, they did indeed want to kick us out like that; granted, there had already been a lot of back and forth between bringing him home or taking him to their hospice facility, which was in the next town the other direction from home, but also doing that in the middle of the night, but they’d made “special arrangements” to get him a room – what’d they do? kick somebody else out, not let somebody else in? because they’d first said they didn’t have any space; problem is we were first told – by the docs; hospitals need to make sure their doctors understand the situation; that the hospital itself had inpatient hospice and he could just stay there, until we got to that place in the hospital and were told differently – and on Sunday, when the hospice place’s real people weren’t even there; oh, they sent somebody to admit us but then said we couldn’t do anything till the next day when their real person would have to come take care of everything; well, at least we got to have that day in peace then it was the next day when she came and said he probably didn’t have long that apparently she didn’t really understand the situation either that she thought he could just stay there no longer than she said he had but no, not according to the hospital, anyway, since they had already discharged him so she admitted him and left the nurse to go home with him since now they said he could no longer go to the facility since we wouldn’t go the night before; they’d filled his space but now you have to get the ambulance scheduled to come get him to take him home but you also have to get the house ready, hospital bed, oxygen, all that stuff and that takes time and by then it was getting late, really late by the time it was all done, so late it was getting dark and cold and meanwhile the hospice nurse can’t do anything at the hospital even though he’s been admitted to their care and the hospital nurses can’t do anything because he’s been discharged to hospice, which meant that because he’d been discharged he was no longer being suctioned and because hospice couldn’t do anything at the hospital he couldn’t be given their meds to dry up his secretions so while all the hassle’s going on about him staying or going and where and who says, the CNA goes into his room – she probably wasn’t supposed to either but seems to take the low man to have compassion; she couldn’t stand to stand by and watch him and do nothing – so thankful she went in and found him drowning in his fluids – maybe it didn’t really make that much difference but what a way to have to go – I’m not convinced he didn’t have some sense of what was going on – he would have never dreamed – she came running out – and so grateful for the hospital nurse who, though she’d been stuck/staying in her office, having been pushed out of the way, at that point took the initiative to call the doctor who hadn’t wanted to discharge him but he was new and basically only doing what he’d been told but when the nurse called him he immediately readmitted him; he was not going to have him be there and nobody taking responsibility to take care of him while all this bureaucratic snafu took place so then sweet little CNA could go suction all that stuff out – I realize that, like the icu docs said, it’s torture, but which is the worse, doing it or doing nothing, since apparently somebody, not sure whose rules – the hospitals or hospice’s – wouldn’t let the hospice nurse do her job while still at the hospital, so got him taken care of and then, like said, up until the next day, when we could feasibly and reasonably, I felt, in the daytime, take him home.