Our Stillborn Story

I hate to do two downer medical posts in a row but before I’ve had a real chance to do one of my others this came across my newsfeed on FB so guess thought be good time to just somewhat morph these two together – I know I’ve told some of this somewhere but not sure can find – was before tags and such so gonna just try again then if I can pull it out of archives and connect to it may take it down and just refer to the original but anyway first the link to this story


Now, though I’m not the mom – think everybody knows that now – I’ve heard mom tell the story enough and was involved enough I think I can safely say dil had the very same feelings – but, first, she had gotten a lot of pain and gone to the ER anyway to then be medflighted from the little small town hospital to the big city one by helicopter because her sugar had spiked from what turned out to be undiagnosed diabetes, right before she would have been tested for it at 28 weeks – she was at 27 – and no, it wasn’t just gestational – when she got to the big city hospital it wasn’t just a spike – her A1C levels were high as well, which means she had been running high for a while, so she was sent with the idea of an emergency C-section delivery, however when she got there they got her sugar levels under control so opted not to proceed with delivery at that early still in her pregnancy and just monitor her sugar levels, not sure they did an ultrasound at that point; now having said all that, this was at night and she was now 4-5 hrs. away from anybody, up there by herself – call us bad but at that point none of us jumped and ran, maybe we should have but she seemed to be ok, handling things well and everything seemed under control, until….

the next day got a call that, just like her, she no longer felt the baby moving and she just knew something was wrong, so she had to practically demand an ultrasound – I can somewhat understand their reluctance, if they had any concerns at all, re doing one with her there just by herself; at that point, probably began to feel should have gone on, especially with the way that day was going on everybody’s other end throwing up obstacles to getting there then, which was part of why we hadn’t gone on, with what had been on the schedule – oh, just little things like having a concrete pad poured for our garage – and it raining that day getting the concrete truck stuck in our gravel driveway blocking the way of getting out – but she did get one and, yes, she did get the horrible news, so thankfully I was able to get headed on up there, winding up being the first one there, even after, while waiting, either I or she passing the news on to a friend, who did tell us, as well, about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, the wonderful organization that will make those pictures, though I ‘d never heard of it at the time or that concept, but dil definitely wanted it done and this friend endeavored to make all the arrangements; unfortunately, other obstacles interfered there as well – the initial photographer was sick – the next one broke her leg…The hospital did take just some snapshots with a little point and shoot digital camera and printed them but nowhere near the same but more on that later

Having said that, we would have still thought that at that time they would still have taken the baby by C-section but no, learned they induce labor for a natural, in that sense, childbirth, a somewhat horrible experience, in that sense, because, like she said, at that point, you know there will be no good end – she was not even offered an epidural at that point because the induction wasn’t really working – not sure how long they expected but in our case it was another two days before they finally came in and broke her waters finally getting things going and by then she was begging for an epidural and barely got one in time; she’d had just about enough pain by then, enough that she had been given something for it and was delirous from it but what was really bad, with waiting so long, by the time we had our birth, we would not have been able – and weren’t – to have good pictures naturally because deterioration had already started so we don’t have those lovely pix in the hospital though some were taken but you really wouldn’t want to see at least the baby’s. But they did get to spend time with her – yes, a little girl – Karyssa Nicole – about 6 hrs. maybe….

Now, not quite sure how things were handled with her – sounds like the hospital took care of things – like another situation need to see how much I’ve said and where – but at least in this situation being 4 hrs. away from hometown where services would be held they at least said transportation costs would be expensive so I was deputized, if you will, for the job, but more to the point, or maybe because of that, now that I think of it, because if the hospital had been taking care of this, maybe there’s something they would have done but at least in our situation they weren’t doing anything and the funeral home said she needed to be getting there before there was a problem so, again, in our case, leaving mom – and dad – there I headed out with the little one….

I do wonder how the mom in this story handled herself because, regardless of the outcome, she still had been through a birth, anyway….

now, on my way, as I got to town, I realized I would have to pass the local hospital and realizing no good pix had been able to be done and how disappointed dil was, though I’d just stop in and check – yes, with little one in my vehicle but did anyway and yes, there happened to be a local photographer, not affiliated with NILMDTS, whose works of babies born there were adorning the walls, who might consider doing something like this, although he never had, so made contact with him and yes, he would be willing to do so…

Now, presenting it to the funeral home was an interesting experience; they’d definitely never heard of anything like this but, thankfully, they didn’t have anything going on the evening before our service was scheduled so would have an available room, so got everything lined up for when son and dil would get there, not being discharged until after the weekend on Monday – so by this time she’d been gone almost a week.

Won’t post the pix but between the funeral home’s job on her and then possible retouching by the photographer (which is all I’d attributed it to all this time, never even thinking about  that, of course, the fh had done their part) they turned out beautiful, just like she  was just sleeping and was so nice for mom to have not only the pix but that time with her baby as she was to begin with and I think should have been able to see her as at the time

About donnainthesouth

I'm a transplant, born up north but raised in the middle, now I'm down here where you don't see too many snowflakes; I'll probably post just about as often (here at least)
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6 Responses to Our Stillborn Story

  1. Tessa says:

    sad story, you’ve told me bits before.

  2. you have any idea why it seems you’re the only one that can comment; I’m getting FB msgs from other people trying but saying they can’t

    • Tessa says:

      No can’t say that I do. Are they on WordPress? I get posts by email and blogger and stuff, maybe that is the problem. Or you don’t have it set for people who are not logged into wordpress. I believe that is a setting. That would block them.

  3. they are on wordpress; met them through the class – hope you get things worked out with your stuff – don’t understand

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