I talked about how mom and dad were married around 5 yrs. before she got pregnant then only to lose it and find out why and how, because of the botched appendectomy she’d had years before, maybe around 10 but what I’m really wondering and wondering why I never really wondered before, is how she and dad felt on losing that child after all those years of waiting; guess just shows how selfish I’ve been all these years that really I was just glad they had and it was me they had and just me because she never acted like she wanted another one and dad always acted like I was all he ever needed and I never went through anything like that so never had occasion to think differently until….
one of the worst things I think you can go through, maybe even more so than going through it yourself, is seeing your child lose their child – when dil’s blood sugar spiked to 800 while pregnant, going to the ER and next thing you know, being lifeflighted to what, by car, would be the big specialty hospital 4 hrs. away, for what, hopefully, would be emergency C-section but then, possibly, because records weren’t sent or at least didn’t get there, wasn’t done, blood sugar gotten under control, but then no baby feeling movement; tried telling, being ignored, until finally next day insisting on ultrasound – maybe 2 – and confirmed – and all this time being in a strange city all alone – long story but son had not just jumped and gone along but at this news attempting but family wanting to go by now so trying to get all that together, while I’m stuck behind a stuck concrete truck in my driveway because of the ran but even for all that still managed to get out and on the way ahead of them, getting to her, actually what turned out to be a whole day ahead before they could actually get gone, but so appreciating having that time with her to help draw us closer, and so glad for being there when the Ash Wednesday person came by wanting to put ashes on her, a ceremony never being exposed to and not wanting to now, so, no. Then finding out they don’t do what we assumed and maybe if had been earlier but not at this late stage, no longer considered just what mom had but then also not doing anything to induce either, so….3 long days of waiting for finally doctor to come in and do something before we had another disaster on our hands, then the reality of it all hitting because to some extent up until then just somewhat unreal and could just pretend everything was normal, then the running of us out but not before seeing your son just crushed by the weight of it all; wish they’d given him something to get through it but no, on top of all that, he has to take family home, and deal with something at work, while leaving wife to still recuperate while coming back to be with her after going through what they really didn’t want to but being somewhat insisting on and then me being requiring to leave as well providing transport so she being left alone again but think she was given something so hopefully didn’t know until he got back and had to tell them – not them – but them that they wouldn’t be there for a few days when she got discharged and then not being able to be there when they did, although her family would, because having to leave to take my mother back 5 hrs. full circle to where I came from to a doctor had gotten her into the month before, before we knew all this would happen, or maybe not, but to see the results of a bunch of tests had had run to get the verdict on a pretty major surgery so made the trip leaving someone else in charge –
before I headed out to begin with to be with dil, not sure who did it, her or me, but we contacted a “quality” friend and told her the situation; now not sure what anybody would think about this but she mentioned an organization that would come in and take quality photographs, retouching, to have a professional portrait, except when we got there, the photographer had broken her leg and couldn’t come and we/she/they couldn’t find anyone else who could either under the circumstances, which weren’t the usual, so….now the hospital did come in themselves with a little disposal but those weren’t the kind really that you actually wanted, unless, except maybe for some documentation, which, again, under the circumstances, but are glad to have in case ever need; however….
on that long drive home the more I thought about it I really wanted to be able to do that for her; she’d wanted it so bad and couldn’t even have that, so realized on my way to my destination I had to practically go right by the local hospital which I thought should also possibly know – and did – so I stopped by and sure enough there was a local photographer who had done that type thing, so…
however, this funeral home – which was not the one my family typically used but was the one hers did so was not familiar with them and how they would react or what they would be willing to do but.. – had never heard of or done such a thing but, thankfully, they were open to the idea and willing to contact the photographer, who, it turned out, was not one full-time so had a job so could not do it during the week until the evening, but, again, so thankfully, they had no other customers that evening and we weren’t doing an evening visitation so they were willing (as with so many other things in regard to this situation, so thankful) to open up one of their visitation rooms for a studio but the photographer needed an assistant (not sure, think, maybe for family reasons couldn’t uses his wife) so I had to come up with one – and again, just so amazed –
while at the hospital got a call from – now, to me, this gets even more amazing –
while having been up there on a previous trip to take my parents to their doctors, in particular because mom was getting the verdict on her eye and real good thing I was there because it was not good, ran over to the library for a writing class, at least one trying to get started but no one showed up that night – now, later it had grown to a good size but this was just the beginning – to find out the person starting it was actually doing it because he was from out of the area, had come down – for a girl, yes – and couldn’t find work, not surprising in that area, at least in his field of technical writing, etc., hence the impetus for starting the writing group; anyway, coming from the city that had just been named the top in that field, invited him down for – a job fair – which – another amazing timing of this whole thing –
anyway, as part of that coordination and planning, he called while I was at the hospital and learned of that whole situation and – here we go again – and just read a big Newsweek article about this whole photography thing so….when needed an assistant and I couldn’t be there, who could I call…and yes, said girlfriend not only was willing but wanted the opportunity and especially(?) since he wasn’t going to be there that evening – because – where was he going to be – down here, while what? – we would be on our way back up there – so just to throw in a few more snowflakes –
at the time we had a little bargain store here, which had just started selling funeral arrangements, which “just happened” to have an infant cross arrangement for far less than what it would have cost anywhere else, so much so we probably just wouldn’t have been able to get her one, but we were and were so glad….
which leads to the other – long story but our youngest really didn’t want to go for the service for the little one and understandably so but we really didn’t want to leave him here by himself, so…just amazing that this man I’d met turned out to be such a good friend that (and, yes, I know, but I’m just thankful) as he came down for the job fair we let him stay, now, not just, not even, with us, but in our home and with our son while we went up there (and yes, even as I type this as the full import of what could have happened hit me but that’s another story – I’m just believing there was a hand in all of this); I just feel so blessed….
also grateful that oldest son came, in spite of all that had happened between he and brother, and that he’d had some good things happen in his life that allowed that – although glad to hear now that some of even that has been resolved and everybody involved has seemed to be able to move on now – but also that he was able to get his vehicle issue resolved from where he locked his keys up in his car – in the procession – to be able to get it unlocked without there being a problem – thanks to a friend noticing the situation – thankful he has such friends
but while we were being so blessed son still having a hard time because in the midst of it all he’s missing work so what with that and the extra expense then on top of that, instead of getting the tax return he was expecting to pay the rent because of that, he gets a letter saying he’s not getting one because it’s going to repay for some govt issued equipment that got left – because there was no room in the inn, as it were, in the house he’d been sharing with said older brother, leading to some of the issues between them, which is why it was such a good thing that he still felt he wanted to come be there for him, in that sense – not that he really was but still he came, but it was more for him than for the brother, especially now – in a car that had been title pawned somewhat because of the whole situation with brother and his own situation, loooong story – who knows what happened to it, but anyway so….
now what? one thing just leading to another, when you feel as if your world’s just caving in as to having lost your child; can you imagine?