Finally

I don’t really know if my parents actually tried to have children from the time they got married or if they actually didn’t want to start a family right away until they got more settled financially and then, after moving to Detroit, knowing they didn’t want to stay there and raise their children but, again, did want to establish themselves monetarily before that happened, but, regardless, thankfully?, it didn’t happen, either then, or then later, when they came back on vacation and ended up staying for 3 yrs. and buying a house, but, again, maybe they never really felt settled in, maybe because of the house they bought, an old one with no running water or indoor bathroom; dad worked hard and they paid it off while they were there, so then maybe they planned to remodel and update it while living in it but then the job he’d gotten building a new power plant ended when they got it built, so they weren’t able to do it and went back to Detroit. I wonder if maybe they felt a little more settled that time so maybe a little more relaxed about starting a family, so mom did end up expecting, but also ended up losing it, which is how they found out why, about the botched surgery she’d had before ever even meeting dad, which would have to be repaired before she could ever carry a child. They’d been married 8 yrs. by then and she was 30 yrs. old, so if they were ever going to have one, she needed to have this surgery so she went in and as part of having it done, had a partial hysterectomy; in reality, she also really needed to have a full one but would rather have defeated the purpose, so they allowed her or maybe, since she didn’t have any children, they really didn’t want her to have a full one really. So after having it done, 3 yrs. later, I was on my way, with her at the age of, after her birthday, 33 years. 5 yrs. later I can remember wanting a younger sister but mom still had problems leading to her having the full hysterectomy so, alas, that was never to be.

In high school I sported the long, straight brown hair parted in the center. I always thought I looked like an Indian princess in my school picture that year, not sure where that look came from, not anybody in my family that I’ve ever thought. Still had my large hazel eyes with thick lashes that my son that I had when I was 30 yrs. old later inherited, causing him such grief when the office staff at the OB when I took him with me while expecting his younger brother, 7 yrs. later, unlike my mother, told him that when he got older the girls would kill for them – another trait he inherited from me, I suppose, he took them at their word; guess he shouldn’t have been so literal minded but I think they shouldn’t have said that either; guess thought all kids that age took things that way, maybe have learned since apparently not, but caused me grief too; oh the bullying that went on in those middle school days, maybe not so much as portrayed in some of the coming of age stories now but certainly wasn’t all peaches and cream and wonder who even knew back in the day when the girls would gang up on the weak outcast with their eyelash curlers and seem as if they wanted to pull yours out; not fun at all, especially when your cousin has started going to the same school as you and is only 9 mos. younger, since her mother was even older than mine was when I was born; she was 36 yrs. old, but only 18 days shy of 37, 2 yrs. older than mom, so people would always asked if we were related, even though she had a different last name, being the daughter of the sister of dad’s that I’ve talked about before. At close to 50, by a few months for me and the next year for her, we met up again, after I’d moved away years before, at our cousin (who was old enough to be both ours father)’s funeral, sitting next to each other then going to the customary family meal, large in this case, with his mother, both my dad and her mom’s oldest sister, having the largest family, being asked who’s older, annoying her to no end.

By my senior year my hair had gone curly, the way it stayed as I headed off to college, but only to that same next town that I’ve talked about before that mom’s family had all moved to (the college was actually supposed to have gone to my town but it got squelched so they got it) that fall to stay in the dorm room of a coworker whose roommate had failed to show up, where my high school boyfriend who’d been gone all summer showed up when he got back, with her being gone to her boyfriend’s so he stayed. Something I wouldn’t do to my parents, maybe because I was still too close to them, was just live with him so we got married and again, unlike parents, became expectant parents right away, having our son with me six weeks shy of 19 and he was 24. Maybe things would have been better with my parents had he handled things better but then maybe he would have handled things better had he thought so but with being told that his dad used to date mom’s best friend but broke up with her while he was in the war to then marry his mom, breaking her heart and hardening mom’s; to then have her daughter bring home this man’s son not sure he could have done anything but then he told them he wanted me for his.

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About donnainthesouth

I'm a transplant, born up north but raised in the middle, now I'm down here where you don't see too many snowflakes; I'll probably post just about as often (here at least)
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