Catastrophic Change

when the changes happen so fast there’s no time for a plateau of stability in between

In looking at the archive list see this started in June 2009, which isn’t really accurate but I lost about at least the year before but that’s what it’s been like at least since then and really could start the year before or maybe even before then but since that’s where this started we’ll start there. That month son and dil had just moved down here the 2nd time, the first being basically right as they got married the year before then moved back up there in a few months, which was a good thing in one sense because they were there when mom fell and finally determined that she’d finally broken her hip, thus eliminating all the indecision about her having her hip replacement surgery, which then necessitated rescheduling her eye surgery. Oh, and before all that was the major ice storm up there, which entailed us going up there and getting them to bring them back down here after they finally went to a shelter with their power going out. Which all this was after all the issues with her eye and her meltdown after her eye doctor said he couldn’t do anymore for her and after dad’s va doc stuff that we were dealing with. This with mom was after her cornea blister incident where they finally ruptured causing her extreme pain and this doc had her on bandage contacts to heal it but also they found that her cataract implant had slipped and he went in and took it out but couldn’t replace it because the reason it had slipped was her zonules – the stringy-like things that were holding it in had deteriorated so there was nothing to hold a new one in place, at least not the same way and the only other way to put a new one in was to do surgery, which he was reluctant to do, at least because even though he eye was healed from the blisters she still couldn’t see so and not just because of the implant but because of her cornea itself so she was either going to need a cornea transplant or contacts, which is what they wanted her to do but there was no way she could deal with that herself and nobody else will do it anymore because of this whole liability issue, but even beyond that nobody has the kind she would need anyway to be able to fit her for them. But turned out ended up being a problem in doing that, in making the whole for that caused an issue with the transplant, at least to begin with – anyway –  So….in getting her down here I’d just found out, through our mechanic, which seems to be an ongoing issue, but that’s a whole other issue, about a new cornea doc just come to town so called him when got her down here, especially since she’s so upset about her whole eye/vision thing, and was able to get her right in; of course wanted to get her records from her other doc, which he did send off for and wanted to see her again in a month – oh me.

Oh, also, while down here, we went to see my cousin, then to get her eye drops filled at the pharmacy at the local grocery store – left her in the car, dad wanted to come in, they said we could go shopping while we waited but since they had no mechanism for letting you know I nor he felt comfortable going off that far or long so we got his stuff – cough drops or something – that was right there – and I thought he sat down (really trying to remember – this is still not up to where this started) or maybe I just thought I was keeping an eye on him but anyway slipped right around the corner where the mags/books are – my mistake – next thing I know here come them both with somebody from the store looking for me – what in the world? turns out dad couldn’t find me, went back out to the car, either looking for me or checking on mom, and this store, instead of having the doors in the front, like most, has them angled to the side, so he tried to go back in one of the windows, then fell over the ashcan right onto his face, so somebody in seeing that and seeing where he’d just come from went to the car and got mom, who can hardly walk between her hip and her eyes and is easily upset besides, so got them both inside the store looking for me; so I find him all bloody and everybody all upset and wanting me to take him to the ER; by then let me just get her drops, which seemed there was a problem with besides but managed to get it worked out or maybe because of this new situation they decided it wasn’t that important, and get them out of here, of course by then she’s hungry but still has to have it her way – and yes, that means Burger King, so have to backtrack and get that done – and then let’s get home – but then somehow don’t get enough – and even though she was so hungry by the time we get home she’s then so upset and tired she goes and lays down so then somebody eats her burger or something – I don’t know – it turned into a fiasco – but get dad cleaned up and he’s ok – didn’t even break his glasses – thank God for small favors, seriously – we didn’t need a bunch of stuff with him as well.

Oh, and just to throw this in – mom was so upset about her hair when she first got here that got a lady from church to come fix it – after I went and got some rollers, which were different from what she was used to because hers are so old they don’t make that kind anymore but the lady was able to work with them.

And then there were issues with dad anyway getting confused with him trying to come in our bedroom, which led to other issues, but we got through all that for then.

However, before time for that pregnant dil ended up with her blood sugar spiking – like 700 – and being helicoptered to the big hospital 4 hrs. away, austensibly for emergency delivery; however, they were able to get her stabilized so didn’t, except then they no longer found a heartbeat or felt any movement and son had ended up not going up there, so now she’s up there all by herself so I headed up there as fast as I could, except…

we had just started building a garage; well, actually we’d just starting having the pad poured, except it had started pouring down rain and the concrete truck had gotten stuck in our driveway and was having to be towed out so I couldn’t get out, then the bank with the loan on the older son’s car that buddy had supposedly taken over but apparently had run into some issues and hadn’t been making the payments decided to pick that day to decide to call and say they were going to come repossess the car so had to deal with that – though I think they did get that taken care of but just had to involve me in the process – so anyway finally got on my way and then son, her mom (which is a whole other issue), and an aunt headed up there as well but I still managed to get there first, just in time for the Ash Wednesday lady to show up with ashes that she didn’t have any idea what that was about and was not in any position to try to find out at that point so we sent her on her way. Then we began to get her prepared for this horrible delivery – yes, they do not do a D&C when you’re 7 mos. along; you have to deliver. That was horrible; took 3 days then after they finally broke her water, then the pain because then there almost wasn’t time for an epidural but they finally did do one then after delivery son had to go back for some type of financial situation taking her family with him and then come back again by himself- oh me. And then I got elected to the funeral home transportation to transport the child to the funeral home back in the home town – so tired by that point. And, oh, we’d wanted to have those professional portraits done but the photographer had broken her leg so couldn’t come so as got back to hometown had to go by the local hospital so stopped in to check and sure enough there is somebody there who will do it but that poor funeral home had never heard of such a thing but they were willing to work with us. Then her mother and grandmother showed up so left it with them; that’s their funeral home anyway. Oh but before I’d left the hospital there were issues with burial, turns out they’d bought pre-owned plots at the fancy expensive cemetery out of town – (you’d have to understand this family to know they had no business out there) so bury her there except then they find out about the monuments they’ll allow they can’t afford so dil nixed that so have to try to work it out with ours that we have at our city-owned cemetery. So poor mom and dad when I got there because a I hadn’t been able to let them know anything because they can’t hear me when I call from my cell and nobody else would call them from the house phone and let them know anything. Remember mom’s just been dealing with this eye stuff so she’s not really been cooking, hasn’t been able to, so just been eating a lot of frozen TV dinners so what had for supper after having hardly eaten for days having been at the hospital. So then the next day – yes, managed to on a Saturday – get things worked out for the burial. And then…

all this happened the week before mom’s eye doctor appointment on Monday, so…even though she did not want to leave dad – there is the son up there – brought her back down here with me in my jeep, which hurt her hip. Anyway got her down here, got her to the eye doctor; he’d gotten the medical records but basically hadn’t looked at them and told her this time he didn’t think it was worth doing anything either – now, wait, not what you said last time and based on why you’re saying not what they’d said either, so now have you looked at her records – no, so sat down right there and then and did and when saw what I said then, even though it still seemed as if he were concerned, he could see no reason, except for doing the whole thing, except…that in the midst of all this other, somehow I’d been able to research this situation. And it had seemed to me to be an issue of not her whole cornea but the back where the implant had been, that it had seemed that because of the possible weakness of those zonules in the first place when she first had her cataract surgery, even though it had been years before, when she’s had it done, she had had Bell’s Palsy not too long before that she’d never recovered from that is what had possibly caused the weakness and also the surgeon who did was not the one who was originally supposed to have done it but he had just retired from doing the surgeries so turned her over to this one, who was new, and really should not have done this on somebody as complex as her with this residual BP and seemingly scraped the back of her cornea which is what was seeming to cause her vision problems, not the front where the blisters had been which had been healed, which was a common enough issue that there was a particular procedure developed just for that purpose that I mentioned to him that he checked and said yes, he believed I was right and that was exactly what needed to be done and therefore could be done and the recovery time should be a lot less so we scheduled it, then….

time to get back for the funeral. got flowers, got dh. youngest son not going, but…

now, to backtrack, on the trip of the meltdown maybe, some earlier trip with all of this catastrophic confusion, I’d somehow managed to make a trip to the local library. Now, need to throw this in, this would have been the trip where on the way up there came on the radio an announcement that the town I live in where I’m coming from has just been picked as the #1 place to live for jobs according to Kiplinger magazine. This is important, why…just hang on – at the library I run into this guy who’s looking for a job so I tell him about it, so he wants to come down. So we’d been in contact and there’s a big job fair this next week. Now while I’d been at the hospital he’d also told me about the whole photography issue so was familiar with the concept, so now…while I have mother down here but while headed back up there is when the photo shoot is set up but son can’t handle it so photographer – who’s actually never done anything like this at a funeral home before either and especially one where they don’t know what’s going on – at a hospital at least they do and help – needs an assistant, which said guy’s girlfriend is game for anything so is willing to take care of that. Again, just amazing the way God just orchestrates everything, sending just the right people in your life at just the right time. Then he’d planned to come down for the job fair so he’s on his way down and we’re on our way up, although he has to go by a different way than we do so we just miss each other but he comes on to the house to stay then with younger son while we’re gone – yea, I know, but again…

so we head up, get there, get to the funeral the next day – then older son, who comes, somehow locks his keys up in his car in the funeral procession line, so have to call a tow truck to get it taken care of before can leave for the cemetery but managed to find out about it in time to get it done before time to leave – whew! again, another disaster averted.

Got that done – again, poor mom, still having to deal with all of this with her hip and her eyes.

Then came by their house before going over for the meal, and, again you’d have to understand, but at the last minute, decided to leave the checkbook there, which has made for another long story of catastrophic confusion but I’m getting ready to get shut down so will save that for later.

About donnainthesouth

I'm a transplant, born up north but raised in the middle, now I'm down here where you don't see too many snowflakes; I'll probably post just about as often (here at least)
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