Different people handle deaths differently, some people keeping their loved ones things around almost as a memorial, some doing clean out almost immediately; some are spared the task at all by those who know ahead of time and take care of it themselves, as in the case of the friend we lost recently; she made arrangements for her possessions herself, giving most of them away to her family, leaving her husband to only keep a couple of things that held special memory.
That was not the case with mom; she was the accumulater, the repository of all things unconsidered.  She basically began to quit being able to deal with such things about 10 years ago not long after my grandmother, her mother, passed away. Read into that what you will and yes, you’re probably right. That being said, even before then, she had somewhat at least – it may have also been divided with her   – the recipient of her aunt – my grandmother’s sister – ‘s winter clothes when she moved to Florida that she had kept. Then when grandmother died she took her clothes; thankfully at least my aunt somehow did wind up with some for someone who – gasp! – actually needed them, but with that I think that just ended up with mother having just the ones that weren’t really usable, but that’s her. Not to mention all of her clothes she’d accumulated over the years – and she used to be quite the clotheshorse – that she never would get rid of. In concession, let me mention she was one of those proverbial children of the depression, always waiting for the other shoe to drop – but reallly how many clothes can you wear? especially after she quit working, then quit volunteering, then socializing; in short, as her world began to close. Of course, by then she wasn’t able to take care of these things herself and I do know there’s an emotional element in all of that as you watch your world/life being to slip away. However,its something we should all prepare for – I’m trying to learn these lessons myself as I’ve watched this. As part of all of that, not only were there the ones that were still good but also ye olde mending basket – all of those that in times past would have occupied you mending/repairing/cleaning – what? – when you only had the 2 outfits – 1 good, 1 everyday – oh, maybe one more to wear while you were working on the other one – but now with more than you can wear – but again you don’t get rid of anything – it could still be fixed you know? and maybe some of it could but again did it need to be, at least for you? let someone who needs it more do it? but really in this country does anybody with the proliferation of clothes to be had?

As an aside, I may try to stick that story in somewhere – hub and I were at a thrift store being taken to the back for something we were looking for in particular – a car seat of own for little one – and there were bales and bales and bales of those type clothes – getting ready to be shipped to Africa – not sure what this says about us or them – for them to prepare to use – so, no, I don’t think we need to worry about it here.

Besides if she did feel like doing it is that what she really wanted to spend her time doing? well, yea, maybe her, cause that was her but no, if she felt like doing that I could better things for her to do that would accomplish the same purpose – something to do with her hands – oh, like, maybe working on quilts or something.

So anyway while she was sick I sneaked out most of that stuff and you know what, when it’s done and you didn’t have to be the one making the decision, the burden is off and you’re glad.

But I didn’t take her good stuff then so that was still to be dealt with after she was gone if it was to be. And with dad, yes, the sooner the better. The friends who came helped me do a lot while they were there that truly had to taken care of just to make the house look presentable; yes, there were boxes in almost every room taking over so we got that taken care of but that still left all of the ordinary closets full when they were gone.

So after everything was over I stayed and started in on all of that; we took 16 big garbage bags of good stuff to the local thrift shop that supports a facility for people with disabilities besides the stuff I still found that we still discarded, besides what I still ended up bringing to my house where I still ended up discarding more, with still some things that even I just hate yet to just get rid of; but oh my she had so much, that’s what she lived for in many ways, with having had so little she felt it helped her feelings to know she’d been able to get so much, which is why she couldn’t rid herself of it while she was here; she always said that’s what we’d do but what else could we do? oh, I know keep it like she did but – no.

About donnainthesouth

I'm a transplant, born up north but raised in the middle, now I'm down here where you don't see too many snowflakes; I'll probably post just about as often (here at least)
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