Aargh! Not again!

 I still keep saying I’m not going to do this but then it happens again!

There’s a man in our church that’s my dad’s age; no, wait a minute, he’s not quite as old; he will be 92 (it may be 93) in January but either way dad turned 93 in September. He’s been a tough old mountain man but maybe that’s what’s caught up with him; he hasn’t been in good health for at least the last year so much so it turns out I found out today that he’s been having somebody stay with him at least that long. Like my dad, he’s been a widow for a number of years now and also like dad at least used to be he didn’t know how to do anything around the house so I’ve been wondering how he’s been making it. Unlike dad, however, he’s got family around. Now I don’t know how it’s been being but at least today when we were there his daughter-in-law brought in a humongous amount of food; of course I got the idea that his grandson and his wife have basically been staying there again at least here lately. It really brought home to me what my own son’s been feeling where my dad’s concerned; he just seemed so out of it like mine did when mom was in the hospital; he’s been really close to his granddad again like my son. There’s special circumstances where both are concerned; in his case he had cystic fibrosis for years until a couple of years ago he got a lung transplant. I also had not realized until today that he’s been married for 5 years which means his wife must be a pretty special lady marrying him with the CF and no hope and having already lived well past what he was expected to, however I actually got the idea it was through her that the push came to get him the transplant and also she already had a son, actually it appears he was there before that the “sperm donor” was already gone; that he’s been there at least ever since he was a newborn. I remember her when she was pregnant; she worked at our local little dollar store; she reminded me of my daughter-in-law (yes, that son’s wife) who was pregnant at the same time; they’re both very short and chunky and just looked so cute. It’s really sad, though, because my son is the one who left but she had somebody who took this guy’s place in her life at least up until now when something’s happened even with that although I don’t know what – maybe I’ll find out this weekend – but they never got married. At least it looks like in this case they really have something. It was also intriguing to me to find out that the people that have been staying with him have been through the VA. I’ve been having people come in to my dad’s to clean and see to him through the VA but I didn’t think they would provide people to just stay with anybody – am going to check into that – she gave me the number. Anyway my son has been really bothered by the idea of finding dad when something would happen to him or even of being the one local that they would call if they needed somebody quick which I’ve really begun to realize he probably shouldn’t be the one; as a grandson that really is probably asking too much, maybe just his age. I just learned I have a friend who found her husband whose young son then pulled up about that time and she wouldn’t let him see his dad, said it would just be too much for him.  So something else to see about this weekend.  He really thinks I should be there and maybe I should; I mean he is my dad after all and mom is gone but he is still in good health; has people bringing his meals; maybe not the best but they are basically home cooked; he’s not just eating TV dinners and he has even learned to cook some; I’m actually kinda amazed at what he’s learned to do at his age but he’s always been that way at least when he hasn’t been under stress, which he’s been actually less under, although I hate to say it, since mom’s been gone. And my son is 34 and with mom gone not pushing him and keeping him dependent (that’s a whole other story) he’s finally told him he’s told enough to take care of himself. I’m glad but it has been hard on him and he did some things when he was younger that really have affected his life even more so in this day and age than any of his imagined especially in this economy but he was able to do some things at least earlier when the weather was pretty; we’ll see if we find out anything about that this weekend. He was pretty upset about me not being with dad on his birthday but that’s pretty much when he told him that so I’m pretty sure that had something to do with that, so again we’ll see what we find out – he hasn’t spoken to me since then, which he said he wasn’t going to, but he also has hardly spoken to him either – he just doesn’t want to be the one responsible for finding him. Now it’s easier in some ways on dad but it is bothering him because he doesn’t understand; I mean, after all, he is 34; dad had been married 5 years by then and also he’s one of that “greatest generation”; had been in the war, then had moved away again to the big city for a job, then back again by then, something son has hardly done; although dad’s tried to get him to for years; now he was saying he couldn’t because of dad but doesn’t seem to be the case now but now he says it’s because of his little girl. Anyway…

Having said all that, this man at church really took a turn for the worse this last week then Friday his system began to shut down; one thing I’ve noticed twice somewhat is that in cases like this the people had earlier either built on to their house, enclosed a carport or turned a garage into a room or originally built a long open room – in any case had an open area that would accommodate a hospital bed they could put in an area to receive visitors rather than keep it in their bedroom – that was also the case with my father-in-law although the room wasn’t quite as accommodating. Anyway, when that happened is when they moved him and his bed to begin that process.

WHICH made it really nice today – when my youngest son – the one who didn’t even want to go to a funeral home or hospital to be around anybody who was even old or sick – went with a group of his friends from church to see this man and sing to him. Had I know all this time that he’d somebody staying with I would hopefully – it’s been quite a year – been to see him long before now but since I didn’t I hadn’t so I wanted to take advantage of this opportunity as well, which being able to do so says quite a bit about this youngest son of mine; there would have been a time not so long ago that he wouldn’t have wanted me to go but today he didn’t have quite the problem with it.

JUST  glad the dentist called at about that time – but that requires explanation another time.

Anyway made opportunity for him to tell he just didn’t want me to bring daughter-in-law along, which entails another story, but she didn’t know him anyway so there was really no reason

EXCEPT that the one who got this together – their youth leader at church – which I know implies a lot but is not really what it implies but that too would require an explanation at another time – has a little girl the same age as our little grandaughter but I guess I was thinking that she wouldn’t have her with her, though I obviously wasn’t thinking or I would have known better; she takes them everywhere with her and dil would have enjoyed being with her but then again she was busy and focused on whipping the kids singing in shape.

AND then when it was over it was a very emotional time, seeing him in that hospital bed basically unresponsive except for rallying for those kids he loves so much singing those songs he loves so much. It was very moving seeing those kids so willing to do that for him then seeing them so moved by how it moved him but it was very hard on them as well….and it would have been very hard on dil to have seen that, not that I think necessarily that she would have gone in because it turned out that I and the other 2 moms who went who also had not been to see him for the same reason did not go in while they were singing. It turns out she left her 2 girls out in her vehicle with those moms while she took the
kids in to sing, then I visited with the family and learned all the above info and also the caregiver, then we went in afterwards. However, had she gone in it would have reminded her too much of being with her mom at that time and she’s really just now beginning to get beyond that and it would have just brought it all back. Even beyond that there’s a recent story with that; suffice it to say it was just 2 wks. ago that it was 2 yrs. ago to the day and it was a very upsetting day and there’s been a lot that’s happened in these last two weeks – and then when the leader came out she especially was very emotional and wouldn’t have really been able to be with dil anyway so it probably was a good thing for her not to go, which I wasn’t going to have to anyway but son didn’t know that; just assumed that I would going back to that other story but no, so I went and suffice it to say that everything I said I basically got from her later, that she thought about all of this in relation to the situation with her mom and was actually glad that she didn’t go and actually I think they rested more with me not here than they would have so all in all I think it actually turned out to be a good thing.

THEN, too, kinda like older son, think there was really another motive – he wanted to drive HIS jeep that his mudder jeep – yes, this is my redneck son – with the mudder tires and life kit that I have a hard time getting in and out of and I sure think dil would have had a hard time – she’s had a hard enough time with mine that’s just standard plus it’s loud and rough – and plus he wanted to show it off to his buddies that he wanted to go pick up one of them then we met the other one and took them with us and there wouldn’t have been room to have done that with her – plus we would have had to move the car seat, etc. and so forth – although all that could probably have been worked out but considering all the above not well – so it’s all just as well – he doesn’t get to drive it very often and I don’t think these guys had really ever seen it, at least one of them, or at least ever been in it – he just wanted to show it off – he’s proud of it, especially since on them has just gotten a truck of his own as well.

Ah, well, at least this story got done before the end, which we’ll see when that will be, but it’s really already here, it’s just a waiting game now, he just loved his family too and would love to see them follow “in his steps” as he follows the one who went before us all.

About donnainthesouth

I'm a transplant, born up north but raised in the middle, now I'm down here where you don't see too many snowflakes; I'll probably post just about as often (here at least)
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