Yet Another Hospital (I know – ya’ll tired yet?)

 And this is not even the one I was going to talk about yet but the day is here –

tomorrow hub’s last uncle (on his dad’s side at least – and that’s the story behind this, but not now) goes in for surgery on an aneurysm he’s had for a while but when he went to his last checkup it had increased to the point the doc said he had to have this surgery NOW.

And this on top of the back surgeries he’s been having at the same time that he then Finally was sent for therapy for Again that didn’t help the first time but he’s had so many surgeries that now he’s now recovering from them because he hasn’t been able to get his strength back without more therapy, which he just finished and now this.

He had an arteriogram a couple of weeks to hopfully determine that it was a blood clot that was causing it because that can be dealt with easier but it wasn’t which without everybody understanding the implications thought that was a good thing but which in reality was the exact opposite because that meant there was no determinable cause for the problem but it was still there and would require this more serious surgery.

Last time was just outpatient but this time he’ll have to stay a few days.

Now last time I went mainly because her daughter-in-law wasn’t going to be able to because she’d already had to reschedule something for one of her daughters because of yet – here we go – another death – her aunt’s husband – and that’s a story. Anyway she’d had to go out-of-state for that.

This time I haven’t really been able to find out anything about that because of all the complications surrounding the hospital stay.

Oh, btw, she does have a daughter but she lives out of town and can’t come in – but that actually is a big part of all this.

Because she has a son who has come into town to live with said aunt and uncle – his grandparents.

But there have been problems leading to them not wanting to leave him there while they’re at the hospital.
And, yes, she plans to stay with him the whole time he’s there.

That’s what my mom did when my dad had his surgery a few years back.

However, part of that was because she’d already quit driving completely.

Although I’m beginning to wonder about his aunt because every time I’ve seen her out lately her daughter-in-law has been driving her.
And then I’ve also seen her driving her mother.
Seems as if she’s having to take both of them any time they need to go anywhere.

So maybe it’s the same thing.

Mom and dad had a similar situation with their grandson at the time.

BUT they don’t have a son.

THAT they’ve signed their land over to that they live on.

WHO can then use that to say that EVEN IF THEY GIVE HIM permission to stay in THEIR OWN HOME HE WILL NOT ALLOW IT BECAUSE IT”S HIS LAND their home is on.

AND if he does or even comes over he will call the law.

btw, they signed it over to him rather than (I suspect somewhat) make out a will leaving their daughter out (could possibly be because that could be contested) but with the idea of preventing her from coming into any of it through inheritance. Not sure how that will fly but they supposedly have records where they have given her just as much so it might.

Now, that might not be a problem if she acquiesed that she went along with this but she now, because of these rules, says she wishes she’d never done it but I’m not sure if there’s anything she can do about it now. Maybe she should have at least retained a life estate but she didn’t. She probably didn’t even know about it. She probably didn’t even do it through an attorney and she’s mentioned other people and how they did things but that’s one thing they at least did with hiring one. Anyway she says she doesn’t go along with it but says she has to now. Otoh it’s easy to say that when you have already turned it over to someone else. You can always then say it’s out of your hands, especially when you would probably not call the law on them yourself no matter how much you didn’t want it to happen. You, in effect, have placed yourself under their protection in exchange for these rules you may say you don’t want but really do. That is, unless you really don’t but just don’t have the courage to do what Mickey Rooney did. But also his was a stepson situation.

Now my grandmother had a similar situation, not that she signed over her place to any one of her children. Rather, she went the opposite way in making out a wall that explicitly named all 3 of her children co-executors of her estate with very explicit rules as to how she wanted things handled; so much so, in fact, that she really didn’t leave any decisions to her children, much to the dismay of the very one (of course) who would have taken over had she let him. But that was exactly why she did it that way.

However, before she died she did let him run things to an extent when it came to a certain grandchild she had that he felt was taking advantage of her, in that she let him say that they had to leave and no longer stay with her and didn’t oppose him, even though she would never have done that herself. Now, in truth, she probably did feel it was best for them, if not for her, and in that case, it was, although I suppose it might not have been.  But that wasn’t the son’s concern; he was only concerned about his mother but I’m not sure she would have opposed him in any case. But she at least didn’t say to the grandchild that she didn’t agree with his decision but that she had to go along with it. She would not have put herself in that situation. But I suppose some people will.

Now one of the reasons why it would seem to be best in that situation was that the grandchild in that situation did, in fact, have their own place. They just weren’t staying there, so they just needed to go home.

Now in this situation that is not the case with this grandchild. So now in that case would it seem (or not) that the child who is saying that the grandchild cannot stay in the grandparent’s home while they are in the hospital would provide a place for this grandchild to then stay?

But, no, that is not the case.

However, enter an alternative. Another family member. Not immediate. But extended. Ah, cousin he used to be close to. Why – how? because of their mothers. Yes, his mom – the daughter who’s been cut off, the one who lives out of town who can’t come in. Could that be a reason – should it be? Oh, but wait – she’s not allowed to anyway. Could she anyway as the daughter? What would happen if she showed up? Would security be called? Would son handle it himself – oh, wait – is this not the same son who’s already said he would call the law on the grandson – her son? Yes. But where is the grandfather in all of this? What does he want? Is this what he wants? If not, would – does he have the courage to say so? All he has to do is tell his nurse and it would all be taken care of. That is, if he is able to do so. Now last time he already told the mother and son to make whatever decisions they feel best. But he’s not put anything in writing. I understand he doesn’t want to cause a problem but I’m beginning to feel that may be why these papers are there; if you just put it all down it’s done and then handled by the authorities and taken out of the families’ hands so there should not be any problems between members. But so few still want to do that. So…

Anyway, that’s one mother – the other one is not strictly a family member but an in-law. The wife of the nephew of the uncle (not the aunt).  Now you have somewhat the opposite situation of maybe it’s the same but from the opposite viewpoint. The nephew was always closer to his mother and there was always dissension between her and the aunt.  The two cousins managed to have a somewhat close relationship growing up in spite of that because of their respective fathers, the 2 brothers, because of their strong familial ties and sense of loyalty and obligation to such. But as they became adults that began to dissipate as they began to drift closer in their relationship with their respective
mothers. But with the birth of 2 boys again – the two cousins – and – again – the closeness of those boys with their mothers – that relationship began to reassert itself.

Hence, the alternative presented itself. The cousin – the grandson of the uncle’s brother – appeared on the scene. He has his own place. Grandson can stay with him. Of course, out of a reestablished sense of family loyalty.

Except – cousin/grandson (grandnephew) is married with a baby. 
    and    when same said cousin/grandson (grandnephew) needed a place to stay (and before all the land issues) they wouldn’t let him stay with them.
    and    some of the same problems of why they don’t want to let him stay there have been some of the problems why c/g(g)’s wife doesn’t want him to stay with them.

But out of that same sense of loyalty, if not between the 2 cousins because of these problems and in spite of the previous issue of not being allowed to stay with them,  but of the other cousin’s to his grandfather (the brother to the one who’s having surgery) – who’s passed away, btw – in respect to that surgery, he’s willing to (and his wife did agree after laying out stipulations) let him stay.  Not that any of that matters to anyone except to the uncle who’s having the surgery out of a sense of family to his brother.  Not that that really matters in any real sense. Or maybe only in a real sense. He may not have the courage to let it make a difference with anything he actually does in this life but it will make a difference in his spirit.

And, after all, isn’t that really all that does matter?

But the other problem is that that the cousin who has his own place also has a job. (which was also the situation with the other grandchild situation who had their own place; they also had a job). But the one who needs a place to stay does not. Leaving him to stay there with the wife while her husband is gone to work – not a good situation. But now wouldn’t you think he’d at least want to be at the hospital anyway while his grandfather is having surgery?
But, no, he’s afraid he wouldn’t be able to handle it if something happened. Now is that a good enough reason? Anyway he refused offers to be taken to the hospital. Oh, yea, btw, he also doesn’t have his own transportation, which was also another difference in the other situation (well, except for temporarily which was the reason for that situation in the first place).

Now have you figured out the cousin with his own place, job and wife is 2nd son – so this is his cousin? So now have you figured out wife wants me to come check on her tomorrow – if – I’m going to town to the hospital – which, where does that leave me, of course? I probably would not quite want to go to town JUST to check on her, although I would be concerned that I should But I would not want to go the hospital without it under the circumstances BUT what am I going to find when I get there? and what am I going to do about it depending on what I find? And do I even plan to go to the hospital considering all of this – but now do I not or do I just plan to not and forget it all?

I’m going to bed.


About donnainthesouth

I'm a transplant, born up north but raised in the middle, now I'm down here where you don't see too many snowflakes; I'll probably post just about as often (here at least)
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