From one hospital to another

 Just one more thing in the midst of all the other but to back up some first. I mentioned the one friend who came for my mom’s death but there was another who came even earlier (actually there were two but this is this friend’s story – the other one will come later). As soon as she heard (which was just as church started) I’m not sure how she did this (well, yes, I am, she has someone already in place for such things) with 6 kids but she immediately left church and started getting ready to come up.  Actually they both have 6 kids but the other friend’s are older. (I’m not sure the two friends even actually initially coordinated but they did get together and only come in one vehicle). It’s about a five hour drive. It apparently took a couple of hours to coordinate because they got there at midnight. I’m not sure what they were expecting when they got there but I don’t think it’s what they got. I’m not even sure how it was what it was.

Mom died about 5:30. The first thing I think worked out so well was one of the nurses was the mother of my cousin’s sister-in-law. Yeah, follow that one. Well, my cousin was in the hospital; she’d broken her hip and she’s my age but she’d actually fallen running or something like that like when I broke my arm. Anyway, when I’d gone down earlier with son and granddaughter, came back and stopped in at room of 2nd son’s wife’s great-grandfather, when I came out I saw cousin’s parents so told them about mom being in there and they told me about their daughter so went down with them to see her then went back up and her dad (who’s actually dad’s nephew) then came up to see them. But I didn’t notice her room number and I couldn’t remember her last name but it’s fairly common in the area and this nurse happened to be connected and knew the situation so she was able to get dad’s nephew; he was still there; so he came back up.

Okay, I’d already called son when mom first choked then collapsed and he was on his way back but hadn’t gotten there yet. I wanted him met at the elevator before he got to her room. I was trying to do it myself while calling my uncles who’d both been there and left to let them know to have them come back. They were on their way.

Also, still at this time they had not yet made contact with the doctor on call but had asked about CPR, etc. With it being so unexpected and especially for son I insisted on full code. However, it wasn’t working. Then they finally got in touch with the doctor and she showed up then came out to talk to us really to try to talk us into stopping but son still wasn’t there then that’s when dad began to get upset. Up until then he just was expecting everything to be okay. So then he wanted to see her. She didn’t really want him to but much as I was concerned for him to I felt he wasn’t going to really understand if he didn’t. Sure enough it was a sight I don’t think I ever want to see again. If you’ve never seen anyone being given full code it’s not pretty at all. Even he got it then and even though he would never actually say it was okay to stop there comes a time when it’s understood and especially if they see they’re accepting it and not insisting on continuing that they will then stop.

I was actually hoping son would get there before then. That’s when I was wanting him met but of course you know how that goes. So of course just about that time is when he shows up, just too late. Oh that was bad, too. But I was finally able to get him to understand that I tried. He was just upset that he wasn’t there; that he’d left but she was fine then. Except that she really wasn’t; he just hadn’t realized it; she was talking – some – I could tell it wasn’t right – but he wasn’t thinking that way and he had his little girl with him, so she got to see her – but even I wasn’t quite expecting this and I’m not sure how he would have been able to handle it if he’d been there for I don’t think there’s anything different he could have done – it just happened. He just had to trust me that that truly was the case – we all did everything that could have been done at that point – and at least that trust had been built over the past year. For that I’m truly grateful.

Then my uncles showed up.

And then the funeral home.

Now that’s a man I’m also truly thankful for. Son did want to be able to spend some time with mom before he took her away and that was no problem with him or the hospital. Now dad and the uncles – oh my – hurry up, he’s in a hurry, the hospital wants us out – they just did not understand – but finally, since the uncles had come together, got the one uncle dad was closer to to take his car and him home and they went and stayed with him and son had actually come with a good friend so didn’t have his car so we (he) got to stay and that meant so much to him – to at least get to tell her good-bye then – in private. I so appreciate that.

Then on to dad’s.

Then uncles wanted to go home and bring food back down; I’m sorry, I know they just lost their sister, but really we just wanted some time as our family for awhile; just go home and mourn your sister with your own families; they’ll be time later but right now just let us mourn our wife, mom and grandmother. That’s a whole other story too. Son just ordered pizza. That was funny when the delivery guy showed up; somehow dad was out there and didn’t have a clue, getting son out to pay and take care of that was quite an event. Anyway got that done then took son home.

Then time to start making phone calls. Think we had already called the preacher (yes, know we did to make sure it got announced at church then think he did show up at the hospital before we left). But mainly start calling the extended family, dad’s,  both local (uncles both actually live out-of-town, just the next one over but still they took care of mom’s family; really except for them we weren’t really that close to them, except for one cousin that we were actually closer to than they were) and out-of-state. So had to find the phone book – both the actual one for local phone numbers – and her personal one for the out-of-state. That was an adventure because, again, at least one aunt in particular had moved to her daughter’s and mom had her number listed under her son-in-law’s last name that only she knew (there’s a lesson here) but finally found it. That was the last phone call.

Then it was dad’s bedtime (really I would have liked for it to have been mine too).


then it looked like mom had just decided to clean out her kitchen cabinets – oh, my – it looked like a tornado had come through – and company would be coming through tomorrow – so it had to be cleaned up. That on top of the normal kitchen mess – have I talked about the last year with her eyes since I’d left her from her hip surgery – have I even mentioned that?

Anyway I started in at, what, around 10 now?

I think I maybe had it down to a normal mess (remember I’m exhausted by this point) in 2 hours – oh, wait, by this time hub and son had shown up) when my two angels walked in. Now the one knows what a mess is so she (and I) was fine. But the one this story started out to be about, though I’m not sure I’m going to really get to hers right now, is truly Miss Organized herself, yes, closets and all, and I do truly know because I’ve stayed at her house for extended periods of time keeping her children myself and, yes, I’ve looked just to see. So, you see, even what would be a “normal” mess because of mom’s eyes would be like so over-the-top for her that what she walked into was just soooo way much more than she could even have imagined that she was just truly taken aback – oh, she handled it like a trooper – I was amazed – but for that split-second it showed all over her. But then she got her second wind and just was ready to pitch in and do whatever – and I was past the point of caring about her appalledness – the living room was a mess – neither of them could vacuum; I’m not sure how it got in such a mess but it was so I just pointed her to it (and oh, they probably had to tear the vacuum apart; at
least I always did but I don’t know because they let – no – made me go to bed – and I was ready – and they and hub and son just took over themselves and took care.

I’d always heard the thing that always get not thought about was shining your shoes; that that was something that would be appreciated but this was way beyond that. I know not necessarily everybody needs to feel they need to do what they did but I surely so grateful they did.

About donnainthesouth

I'm a transplant, born up north but raised in the middle, now I'm down here where you don't see too many snowflakes; I'll probably post just about as often (here at least)
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