More 2 years later – another death

2 yrs. ago, as I said, my dad died, but while I was up there; well, let’s start back, actually 2 yrs. before that I had gotten my dad the VA Aid and Attendance to pay his grandson, who he had gotten to move in with him to take care of him, so my husband’s aunt had wanted me to try to get it for his uncle for their grandson, who had moved in with them, for the same thing but I had not been able to get their financial information that comes in at the end/beginning of the year before I’d had to leave regarding dad 3 days after Christmas and then not getting back in time either after the first of the year with dad’s passing on January 7, then the services, etc., plus taking care of business and all. But I had also been in contact with one of those companies that helps you, since he didn’t really have a relationship with a veterans service officer like my dad did, although I had gotten his discharge papers from the local one but he had insisted to me that they would have to come in to do the rest,  – unlike dad’s, who went to his house – which they weren’t able to do, so she ended up calling me while I was there. Having said that, when I got back it turned they had at least gotten home health/physical therapy for him while I was gone, except she was thinking I had gotten it for them while I was away – no….although apparently it was somewhat through someone of the same name, which did cause some confusion at first. But, no, turned out she had done it herself, but the papers that had come in while I was gone had gotten taken for taxes so we weren’t able to get anything done regarding that but since they had the home health they weren’t that concerned about it anymore then, especially considering the fact that actually their grandson hadn’t been there with them anymore for a while, actually already when I’d left,  by then anyway and actually wasn’t going to be for a while and they were still somewhat able to manage by themselves with the help they’d gotten, so….

However, that help played out but we were able to get it replaced, so….

Then grandson came back but the papers still got taken for taxes again, even though I was supposed to be notified but she forgot; it was so different, they’d just been needed for taxes for so many years, but grandson ended up leaving again, on her birthday, and they were still able to somewhat manage with the help they had, then grandson came back again and was a big help when his grandfather would fall; aunt couldn’t manage that or get him out of bed when he couldn’t get himself out and was the one to call 9-1-1 when grandfather got confused re his pain medication or else just got in so much pain that he took so many he basically overdosed and had to be taken to the hospital. But without a source of income he had to get a job, just had to learn to start carrying a wallet. Having said all this, to an extent, to say he’s about 10 yrs. younger than dad’s grandson when he moved in with him; when he was his age, he didn’t carry one either. So he would lose his cards and not be able to find them or else just mislay them in his room so asked me to help him find them one night after he got off work but that put me there I guess really too late to be there with aunt already in bed and shouldn’t be there with just uncle up, so a family member asked me to leave. Now this was about the time again for the financial information to come in again but I had made contact with the local – well, not the actual county but the next one over – veterans service organization re the A&A and they had more stringent requirements that I still didn’t think we could meet; maybe we could all along and there were other issues but anyway was able to begin anyway and found that some things had already been set in place that she either didn’t know or didn’t remember and I began to be told that it would be taken care of by someone else; didn’t know how when I sure hadn’t been able to find a way, even beyond just having the actual documentation; I knew the information, that their income was too high; contrary to popular opinion of how it should be for our veterans, it’s still a means based program and my dad qualified but they didn’t, at least not without doing the same thing his VSO did, which could possibly be done, but I hadn’t been able to get it done but it was interesting that on a day she had called and asked me to come see her and I had an opportunity to do so was the very day she got the documentation, again, unknown, or at least unremembered, that it had all been done; the question now just was how? which we found out, but wasn’t for grandson, since, once again, he wasn’t there, but not for long that time; actually hadn’t been gone long and actually had been there when it had all gotten started, so….somewhat wonder how much that plays into things; he knew there were some things going on; possible if things had gone different?….

anyway he came back just a little over a week ago – on a Sunday night – got his car back that he’d just bought right before he left – had a wreck, possible malfunction of some sort that apparently got taken care of fairly quickly, car only in shop a day – called on Wednesday on his cell, stepped outside, lost signal or at least lost call for some reason, didn’t call back and one of those always haunting things, I didn’t either, at least not until later and there were other issues then, then life rocked on another couple days, until…

saw a post on social media from his mom that the unthinkable had happened

that he had passed away, was found on Saturday morning; hm….

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Another Voyage of Discovery

At hub’s aunt’s the other day looking at the Wall Street Journal their son brings them – ran across an article about Julia Ward Howe – know who she is? – yes, the one who wrote The Battle Hymn of the Republic – Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory of the Coming of the Lord – always loved that song – her glory – she was a writer, et al – well, turns out she married the head of the Perkins Institute for the Blind – yes, the same institute that trained Annie Sullivan, the famous teacher of Helen Keller – quite the progressive institution for its day when most blind people were just relegated to institutions and pretty much just thrown away. He was also the doctor for the Greek Army in their fight for independence from the Turks, so seemed like quite the liberal fellow to Miss Julia but turns out his attitudes didn’t quite extend to his ideas on marriage, still expected his wife to be the typical Victorian type so didn’t encourage and even discouraged her career aspirations of writing – not even talking about getting a job outside the home – but they still ended up having around 6 children – also he was around 20 some odd years older than her so he did end up passing away while she was still young enough to go ahead and have a life without him, although it still didn’t really work out all that well as far as career wise. The above mentioned song really was basically her only famous work – but then Harper Lee basically only wrote on book, didn’t she? This song’s been enough to make Miss Howe quite renowned, hasn’t it?

But an intriguing aside is that her daughter found an unpublished manuscript of a novel about a hermaphrodite – can kinda see why it was never published back in the day, can’t you – but of all the times for it to come to light now, hm…

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And now the Snow of Today – Can I still be useful?

Don’t know if it had anything to do with yesterday – finished my book on my phone, long story, maybe connected to the Dickens twitter I got the other day – Victorian/Regency – don’t know, had some physical issues, had gone to bed early – everybody else had – but had to get up – not sure why checked phone again but sure enough, msg from dil, re son’s job, other stuff, anyway then got caught up in something else been dealing with so up later than wanted to be, was going to say usual but maybe not but trying to change that but still something must be different because woke up early, not late, like have been, maybe trying to do better about waking hub before hub leaves for work, not sure, but he is going to funeral, didn’t say anything about me going, probably because of all the snow that’s still here (should I try to a pic?) but anyway up/awake when he left this morning so got to have that quiet, peaceful time I used to have, not that there’s going to be that much going on here, but was a debate about leaving somewhat depending on how all the snow was going to be, already had a couple things going on before the funeral so was already in a debate then that got thrown in and the weather/snow on top of it all – had already called about one re the funeral and been expecting an email, haven’t gotten one, so…if not going, at least glad have the equipment, except what with other errands, and not knowing for sure, haven’t gotten it out of the vehicle, which, you guessed it, is out in the snow. The other I actually found a book about, which, also, is still out in the vehicle, which, again, still? is out in the snow but sent my regrets via email re that and have an online study guide can do, been working on. Was possibly going to need to have a convo, though, re some tutoring but that can wait as well. Other tutoring already cancelled for today. And also something else going on that didn’t really understand why with the funeral but has always been a hectic day and wanted a quiet one, so guess I have it that somewhat also involves the whole lunch thing with the one thing, so…gets out of that as well.

But all of this has got me thinking, maybe because of what I’ve been through the last few years with losing my parents – does that make me an orphan now?

but especially thinking of the year lost my mom dad’s grandson brought him down for Christmas that year, 1st one he/they’d been for in a long time, because always concerned about being caught, just like this, in a blizzard but hadn’t snowed on Christmas here in something like 50 yrs. but wouldn’t you know it, it did that year – and he was miserable – couldn’t get out – like me, today, so as much as I’m enjoying it now, will it be like that for me, if I make it to be like him, 40 yrs. from now? hm…

not that I think he would have had a real problem, other than being miserable if he had to stay in; he pretty much never got out or did much in the winter anyway; now, mom, a little different, but then not really so much in the winter because she always had her project going – quilting – and I’m like that as well, need to be working on fixing the space for the frame now or, like saying earlier, having my other stuff in but then dad never got into these computers either, so at least I have that, right? but that doesn’t take care of everything but for now, still have youngest here and we’ll see what happens as time goes on.

But still for all that, as dad got older and especially after mom was gone, he began to feel the need to have somebody with him so he got grandson to move in with him; let’s see, I have a granddaughter, hm….otoh, before I got married I was always taking in people, so I could see myself doing that as well, except dad had a big spare room, bigger than I do, but we do have the garage; well, dad did too, an attached, part of the house two-car one, while ours is a detached….my cousin – here we go again, seems like everything dad did – well, he’s actually his cousin – he would do, he had his granddaughter move in with him, well, she and her husband and her 6 kids – 3 from before and 3 of his, but he had a basement and maybe an upstairs as well, not sure if they had their own kitchen – and then grandson ended up – well, actually not too long – moving his girlfriend in as well and then he has his daughter every other weekend so guess even if granddaughter gets married and has a family; kitchen there wasn’t so much an issue till then; he just ate out but she’s Italian and likes to cook but guess would need to put in some type of kitchen out there, even if just a mini one or could she just use the camping equipment? but might end up being like cousin, with 8 people and he just one, seems more logical to just let them have the house and him have the basement, garage, etc, except he couldn’t handle the steps, so… that’s something to consider here, for me, too, at least if I wanted to get in the house….wasn’t an issue with dad, except maybe for them but…but it was his outside steps/stairs that got him. anyway, she just needs to make sure she is married, though – maybe why son did…grandson was supposed to but…one thing dad never got

Something else I wish he could have gotten was to be able to enjoy grandson’s friends coming in and out; I think he would have had they stopped to have much to do with him. Now, not sure about that aspect with cousin; they had moved from another town or at least he had, not really sure how she’d met him; the previous was local, I believe, and he’d raised her, or at least after her mom left him behind, there’s an example of what hub’s aunt keeps saying she wished she’d had, that her grandson’s mother would have left him behind, guess just all depends, dad’s grandson had lived there off and on for years, really considered that his home and I know I enjoy when youngest’s friends come over, so I think I would enjoy that as well. Just read about a “senior” community; well, really, maybe 2, that are really age-integrated communities where all ages can interact with each other; the seniors seem to really enjoy it – do the others? but here, with a detached garage, would there be that? or would it be more isolated? another, hm…

but I think the real issue in all of this is, As I Get Older Can I still be useful?

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Yesterday’s Blizzard and the Funeral Home

Because of a lot of things going on, decided I’d ride in with my youngest to school yesterday, since it’s in the same town as the funeral home and viewing being the same day as his only – though all day – day of school, to save taking 2 vehicles, but glad I did for other reasons, such as stepping out the door to leave and it is coming down snow – showers of snow!

But since we live on a mountain, if you will, and often have it here when the valley folks don’t, what we expected yesterday. But not this time – the farther, lower we got, the worse it got! When we got ready to get off the interstate sure glad we weren’t going the other way – traffic was backed up, literally, the news said so, all the way to the next town – there’d been a bad wreck – but we made it to school.

But I knew I was going to be getting there too early to go on the funeral home so I’d somewhat planned to go visit a friend in yet another, albeit closer town, to wait till time to go but with all those showers of snow still coming down I just really didn’t want to risk it, especially in son’s car, if it is front wheel drive, just didn’t want to try to drive in it just for that, so…thought I’d go ahead and head in the direction of the funeral home to be able to be there in case I couldn’t get there later but didn’t get far in that direction before the roads were covered and icy – which friend had said they weren’t her way nor in front of the school, but going the way I did was closer to the water – the river and the bridges, so…decided I’d just turn around, go back, and wait it out till time and almost didn’t make that, but did – at least nice and warm in the car, almost like the snow was insulating everything or….just realized his car’s a lot lower to the ground, maybe that was the difference in it and how cold it was the day before in my – though not lifted but still – higher jeep, hm…

so, instead of relaxing with a good book, what do we do in this day and age, of course, while sitting there texting and talking to everybody about the weather (and other things) I suddenly realize it’s gotten quite, look up and realize it has stopped – wonderful! – till the car won’t start; now, granted, I had had the radio on earlier but thought I’d turned it off or had it just gone off because I’d run the battery down – can’t get to the cables because, unlike my jeep, car has an actual trunk, no key place, just the button on the inside that I at least couldn’t seem to open – because requires the battery? – anyway called the campus police and they came with their little junk box – he was surprised, too, at there not being a key place to the trunk, most other cars have them – anyway, didn’t take much – and jumped me off so I was on my way, then…

because of the weather, roads…? just took the first road, which wasn’t actually the right one, but would have thought the cross roads would come all the way through but…no, until, thankfully, the one right before the one I needed and the one by the cemetery, so took my turn, went through, hit the right street and sure enough one block over – all the times I’d been to that town had never been to that section, used to have a bad reputation, especially coming in the way I did but I’m looking around as I’m going up the street and everything looks so nice and neat, not fancy but nice, so…asked about it when got to where I was going, she said all those kinds of people have moved to the other side of town, which I can believe and makes sense now, with what youngest son’s (should I be concerned for him now?) been telling me about some of the people that come in to the store he works in – hm…wow

anyway, new and somewhat different custom, for me, anyhow, of having a “public” viewing, not really a visitation, which they call a “family” visitation but different from what I’ve always heard one called, which has normally been a private, for family only one, but no, to them that’s when the family is there to visit with; this is actually a private time for the “public”, if you will, somewhat with the family not there for you to feel you “have” to visit with; this is a time for you and the deceased alone, which was kinda neat, in a way, especially in this situation, since I don’t really know his family, except for his wife and after learning more of that situation, might have been awkward after all, but took a while to get all that, so was waiting to begin with for the family to show up and when didn’t thought I would go try to see about getting something for them/her – I’d just read the night before about another somewhat new tradition of giving a candle for someone to take home to light in their memory so thought I’d go see if I could find one – maybe I should have just gone to the dollar store, since the florists were all full of Valentines although I did find one at the first one but it was attached to a base with a cherub – no, not really – so went on the other one – all kinds of candles but just in jars, no – but – and wish I had a pix, maybe one will show up – only one they had there – a wood heart on stem to put in arrangement with perfect verse on, and not too bad a price, so picked it up along with a card (which, note, need to fix another one) and took back, was going to put in the arrangement; they (the funeral home people, still no family, when I began to learn more about all this) thought it would be nice to put with the book, so did. That’s when I learned this is really considered a day of rest for the family before the funeral; they’d been there the day before; interesting…she had gotten the program and was typing it up, with somewhat of his eulogy, facts about his life anyway, thought would be on their website and maybe will be later – anyway now school’s been let out for  – what snow? by this point – but have been seeing some but nothing like earlier but made for somebody connected, apparently, but a schoolteacher, coming in, and still not sure about this news – twice, about the bridges I had to cross to get there being iced over but I’d just come across the first time told that and weren’t – but thought this might be new news with temp maybe dropping as day going on, so decided, especially with no need any longer to wait for family, might oughta head back to be able to get son while could, so said my good-byes and nice to meet yas and wasn’t this whole thing just interesting and headed out and still no ice – thankfully

campus looked like a far different place, where all white earlier, had pretty much all melted off

went to the library – another Voyage of Discovery possibly on the way

got him, headed home and, sure enough, the closer and higher, the whiter and whiter, even more came just as got home or at least as hub came home early because of it, so…

that was yesterday, possibly more to come, not necessarily snow today but might be more of that later….but….

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Out of the Game

New foreclosure rules, you have to disclose if you’re getting the money from a loan, so rejected, only accepted cash offers, so…so much for that

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House hunting – with skin in the game

Things seem to be a-changing, with old gf gone – ready to move on – interesting how all started with that house – then another one, the perfect one, just came on the market – a foreclosure at 1/2 what it sold for just 2 yrs. ago – but what a 2 yrs. it’s been – but….a brand new truck gotten out of it out of old gf; wonder how she feels about it now, but just the difference needed – depending on what I do, of course, but….at least he actually willing, wasn’t sure exactly how he’d feel, after losing that first one and almost losing the 2nd, with those being better than the junks he was having – not counting ours, though he is, of course, but said he could handle one 1/3 the cost, could sell his – so go for it – so who knows what might happen now? hm….

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And then today

he shows up – 1st time I’ve seen him and basically talked to him since I left up there almost 2 yrs. ago

was good to see him

good to hear of him going to see his brother down here and being pleased/impressed with the house they’re buying

playing with his little niece that hardly knew she had an uncle – 1st time she’s seen him – and she’s 5 – been that long since he’s been down, brought dad down to see her when she was a baby and she’s hardly been up there, maybe once and not sure she saw him then

bought her candy and a balloon

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