Finally

I don’t really know if my parents actually tried to have children from the time they got married or if they actually didn’t want to start a family right away until they got more settled financially and then, after moving to Detroit, knowing they didn’t want to stay there and raise their children but, again, did want to establish themselves monetarily before that happened, but, regardless, thankfully?, it didn’t happen, either then, or then later, when they came back on vacation and ended up staying for 3 yrs. and buying a house, but, again, maybe they never really felt settled in, maybe because of the house they bought, an old one with no running water or indoor bathroom; dad worked hard and they paid it off while they were there, so then maybe they planned to remodel and update it while living in it but then the job he’d gotten building a new power plant ended when they got it built, so they weren’t able to do it and went back to Detroit. I wonder if maybe they felt a little more settled that time so maybe a little more relaxed about starting a family, so mom did end up expecting, but also ended up losing it, which is how they found out why, about the botched surgery she’d had before ever even meeting dad, which would have to be repaired before she could ever carry a child. They’d been married 8 yrs. by then and she was 30 yrs. old, so if they were ever going to have one, she needed to have this surgery so she went in and as part of having it done, had a partial hysterectomy; in reality, she also really needed to have a full one but would rather have defeated the purpose, so they allowed her or maybe, since she didn’t have any children, they really didn’t want her to have a full one really. So after having it done, 3 yrs. later, I was on my way, with her at the age of, after her birthday, 33 years. 5 yrs. later I can remember wanting a younger sister but mom still had problems leading to her having the full hysterectomy so, alas, that was never to be.

In high school I sported the long, straight brown hair parted in the center. I always thought I looked like an Indian princess in my school picture that year, not sure where that look came from, not anybody in my family that I’ve ever thought. Still had my large hazel eyes with thick lashes that my son that I had when I was 30 yrs. old later inherited, causing him such grief when the office staff at the OB when I took him with me while expecting his younger brother, 7 yrs. later, unlike my mother, told him that when he got older the girls would kill for them – another trait he inherited from me, I suppose, he took them at their word; guess he shouldn’t have been so literal minded but I think they shouldn’t have said that either; guess thought all kids that age took things that way, maybe have learned since apparently not, but caused me grief too; oh the bullying that went on in those middle school days, maybe not so much as portrayed in some of the coming of age stories now but certainly wasn’t all peaches and cream and wonder who even knew back in the day when the girls would gang up on the weak outcast with their eyelash curlers and seem as if they wanted to pull yours out; not fun at all, especially when your cousin has started going to the same school as you and is only 9 mos. younger, since her mother was even older than mine was when I was born; she was 36 yrs. old, but only 18 days shy of 37, 2 yrs. older than mom, so people would always asked if we were related, even though she had a different last name, being the daughter of the sister of dad’s that I’ve talked about before. At close to 50, by a few months for me and the next year for her, we met up again, after I’d moved away years before, at our cousin (who was old enough to be both ours father)’s funeral, sitting next to each other then going to the customary family meal, large in this case, with his mother, both my dad and her mom’s oldest sister, having the largest family, being asked who’s older, annoying her to no end.

By my senior year my hair had gone curly, the way it stayed as I headed off to college, but only to that same next town that I’ve talked about before that mom’s family had all moved to (the college was actually supposed to have gone to my town but it got squelched so they got it) that fall to stay in the dorm room of a coworker whose roommate had failed to show up, where my high school boyfriend who’d been gone all summer showed up when he got back, with her being gone to her boyfriend’s so he stayed. Something I wouldn’t do to my parents, maybe because I was still too close to them, was just live with him so we got married and again, unlike parents, became expectant parents right away, having our son with me six weeks shy of 19 and he was 24. Maybe things would have been better with my parents had he handled things better but then maybe he would have handled things better had he thought so but with being told that his dad used to date mom’s best friend but broke up with her while he was in the war to then marry his mom, breaking her heart and hardening mom’s; to then have her daughter bring home this man’s son not sure he could have done anything but then he told them he wanted me for his.

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Home at Last

Meanwhile, my mom, who’d never left the farm, had moved to town to go to work at the factory while her brothers stayed on the farm and worked it, although did find out later that apparently at least one of them did come in to town and worked for an uncle at a cabinet shop for a while but wasn’t long before the shop moved to the town their grandparents had moved from so he either, though I can’t quite see that being the case back then, drove up there or moved, I’m more inclined to think and stayed with either him or another uncle; most of them were still there; only their grandparents had moved to the country and taken up farming. Most of them were carpenters, I believe, in town; they’d had a store they’d sold, think had been a dream of their grandfather, to farm. So finding herself in town, she met dad, something she probably never would have done back on the farm or, had she been able to, or had she still been there when they did all eventually move, either, because he never went that way; his family was all in the other direction, so…

so then, in addition to that, then he decides to follow his family that moved to Motor Town, something else that probably never would have happened, although the one brother who’d worked in that town then left, did also move for a while to Indiana but he didn’t stay as long as dad did in Detroit before he came back; not sure, maybe why, his wife, yes, even though they were younger, seemed they didn’t wait long to follow mom in getting married, didn’t go with him, maybe because she was already expecting their first child and he may not have wanted her up there with them by themselves; there wasn’t family there like was where mom and dad went, might have been another reason he didn’t stay as long but especially if his family wasn’t with him and if he didn’t want them there, think he decided he’d come home and make it there, which he did go back to working for his uncle at the cabinet shop but it wasn’t too long before he decided to strike out on his own and start building houses, then wasn’t too long before he just bought uncle out and owned the cabinet shop himself but this isn’t his story, so….

so Mom wound up taking a Greyhound to go to dad so to Detroit we go!

I wonder if she had any idea how long she’d be there when she made that trip or what her life would be like. But she did get a job and learn how to drive, which she didn’t before, another way she was behind his sister, who of course had been driving his car the whole time he was gone during the war and working out in the country the other way, while she had gone from the farm to just in town where she could walk everywhere.
She would tell stories of many wonderful Sunday afternoons on a place called Belle Isle in Detroit that they seemed to really enjoy going to; would have loved to have been able to see it myself but all things seem to change.
It’s ironic telling this this particular week, the week of my birth on their 11th anniversary, with my dad working night shift at the plant and mom at home passing out Halloween candy, with me not expected for another 3 wks. but she had to quit and get someone to take her to the hospital, which, for some reason, was out across town, next to dad’s plant, but in the days before cell phones and you didn’t call the plants and disturb them, not even for something like that, so she left a note on his pillow, where he would come home and go to bed; he carpooled with a friend, so not sure who was driving, but he comes home, finds the note, turns around, goes all the way back, only for me and mom to be sent back home, where maybe dad got a little sleep until she tells him she needs to go back, so he turns around again and takes us back; I sure was a lot of trouble already, wasn’t I? but this time was the real thing, but again, this was back in the day before they let dad’s in, just shooed them out of the way back then but maybe in this case good thing; poor dad was exhausted by then; he went out to the car and went to sleep; when went back in to go upstairs he met me in the elevator.
The time came when they left and went back home, where dad had always wanted to be back to.
Mom loved to quilt and loved her flowers so I always wanted to take her to the big national quilt show that just happened to start being held in the next town over from them and even made plans one year but then dad wound up in the hospital and she sure leave him and after that her eyes began getting worse and he started having to do more for her, stressing him out, besides her not being able to see them that well anymore anyway. But I’m not sure that even if he hadn’t wound up in the hospital and that hadn’t happened if she would have gone; she said it was too much and too many people anyway. They were married for 62 yrs. But I found her one with all different kinds of flowers, but only one per square, that she really loved for her spare bed, not hers and dads; he had one he liked on it, but for her spare room that she was fixing up so she loved so much, like a kid in a doll store getting a favorite doll. He would say she was losing it. No, my dad was the one who was getting lost but mom still hoped.

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The Pacific Theater

is what my dad was in in WWII. Then, when he came home and his parents had sold the farm; not even really sure he knew until he was ready to come home; may have even gone there first, but, surely somewhere along the way he knew but just know he always said he walked home and got there just in time for Christmas, maybe that was just from the local bus station; actually wouldn’t have really been that far from there to where they moved to; anyway without the farm to come home to, he had to get a job, which he did get one with the state and though I know there are others who managed to work for it and live, although, actually maybe not, since they did end up not having a family while working for it, certainly when he and mom got married he decided he would need something better, so, like so many others, with an aunt who’d gone with her husband up north to the Motor City, he decided he would as well; 2 other brothers went as well, but not sure if before or after, but the real thing is while they settled in up there and raised their families dad always said he wasn’t going to so he and mom never bought a house up there; I never really thought about how hard those years must have been for her because I’m sure she would have liked to have settled down somewhere, not sure she wanted it be there; she probably wanted to come home, closer to family, but then maybe not; she didn’t seem, in some ways, to have it too bad up there, but the day did finally come that he was ready to come home, once I was here, so they first came back to my grandmother’s, my mom’s mom, who was by herself at that point, having, not too long before, lost her 2nd husband; maybe this would have been before his farm was sold and my uncle, her brother, bought it, or maybe it was after, when she had moved to town to her own apartment; I wish I’d thought to ask, but never did; always pictured in being in the house I knew her in but she wouldn’t have lived there then yet, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t with my aunt and uncle living in the house, so grandmother must not have lived with them there, or at least not for long, because it wasn’t that much longer before we came back; anyway we stayed there for a few months; dad was apparently kind to the renters of the house he had bought on a earlier trip back a few years before and had been renting out, with his mother taking care of it for him, and, knowing dad, possibly getting the rent money, since his dad had actually died not too long after he and mom got married but anyway he evidently didn’t just make them move out but apparently he either gave them 6 mos. or that’s when they moved out because we then moved in, to a house with no running water so had a cistern and an outhouse, although he didn’t intend for it to be that way for long; he intended to remodel but there was no water line on the road so he and a neighbor went and petitioned to get one but, unlike in the town where we lived with my grandmother where my uncle had basically done the same thing and it evidently worked, it didn’t work there, though they did eventually run one but not anytime soon, so my dad had taken another job also allowing him to see other houses and he found a much more modern, fairly new house on the side of town of the one we’d just moved from, while the other house was on the other side of town, so as much as we went to see mom’s family, maybe it all worked out for the best, especially considering my dad’s carpentry skills, or rather lack thereof, and also the fact that everything they had bought, such as new appliances, to go in this house, that they had put in storage, had gotten burned up in a fire at the storage facility and even though they sued them for not having insurance and won the judgment they never got reimbursed plus the fact that probably, at least possibly they would have felt they needed to come do it, but this one was right on the highway as well so definitely had water line, with running water to the house, indoor bathroom and kitchen sink, built by a builder for his own family so had all sorts of interesting features and dad was able to sell the old house for twice what he paid for it, that being 1/2 the price of the new one, which possibly/did probably make up for their loss, so God has a way, so we moved in, put new carpet down over the nice hardwood floor in the living room, which, yes, everybody did in those days, and settled in. Dad was home at last.

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5 yrs. ago

5 years ago yesterday (I wanted to post this then) my dil’s mother passed away. It was so sad; I never knew the woman my dil did. By the time I met her she was just a shell of what she had been. What’s so horrifying to me is I think how easily it could have been me or anyone of us. She felt bad one day, just like we all do, wound up going to the ER, as we often do; I know, though I rarely, but so did she, I did once, was told she had the flu and was sent home, only to get worse – which I’m sure we can also all relate to, so this time she bypassed the little local hospital (and I hate to belittle those; maybe even had she gone back they would have checked further, but that’s usually what’s done in situations like this, next time you go somewhere else) and they discovered she was having or had had a heart attack. Further proof of what I read a lot that the symptoms for women are different from men, one in particular being flu-like symptoms; when’s the last time you were checked for a heart attack if you ever went in for the flu? how do they know? anyway, know I wasn’t; just thankful I wasn’t having one. Now, also, the confirms all the PSA’s I started hearing at the time of the dangerous consequences of uncontrolled diabetes, especially if you have a family history, which she did, with both her parents having it, but of course they either hadn’t had, in the case of her mother, or had survived, in the case of her father, a heart attack. So…however, apparently they hadn’t also already been run over by a car and developed a blood clot in their leg that was in the way of the stent that is placed there in the process of being run up to your heart in the event of a heart attack. Yes, at the big hospital, even though they were told; apparently they didn’t check; now what they would have done, not sure; realize, I think, maybe, doing that was of higher priority than dealing with the blood clot, though not sure I do really realize that’s true, because don’t believe you’re either stopping or preventing it at that point; aren’t you just doing that for the next time? anyway, yes, they hit the blood clot and I realize the chances of this happening, maybe, are slim, but it went to her brain and caused her to have a stroke, paralyzing her right side; yes, her good side, all the way up and down, meaning, affecting her speech, cognitiveness, as well as the use of her arm and hand, thus affecting her writing ability, and leg, placing her in a wheelchair. So double whammy, because with her heart condition, she wasn’t really able to do the intense rehab needed to recover from the stroke (besides the whole having no insurance thing, at least at the time but of course she did get it later but we’ll just leave that out for now, although possibly with more help at home, not even necessarily professional, just help, she could possibly have had more recovery any way) so she was no longer able to care for herself and/or? her children. I say that because her children were not small; they were teen-agers, old enough, I believe, to have helped take care of their mother and I believe they would have. However, they were not given the opportunity. First, and here’s another possible warning; mom had been living with a man for 10 yrs., who, almost at this first option, and I realize he worked, ok, but had he wanted to do things differently, could things have been done? Well, ok, in a sense maybe I’ll even concede, since I just dealt with a situation yesterday, reversed, where it’s the husband who has cancer and needs care, while his wife is having to work and they do have younger school-age children, who wouldn’t be old enough to help – and I do realize in both situations the children were and are in school; in that situation his sisters have been endeavoring to help take care of him but they do have their own families so not sure how long they can continue or what the situation is going to be but at least at this point they’re stepping up and trying; however, this man almost immediately took her mom to her mother and dad, who weren’t working – dad had been on disability due to either a work-related accident or a car wreck himself, for a number of years. But even in one sense that could have been somewhat understandable but then he also advantage of the situation to take away the home that she had worked to help buy and pay for – again, another warning? – without any recompense to help with the expense of her care – again, unlike another situation, where a house was sold for that very reason – now, again, true enough, in this situation she was able to go on disability, but still…so then her younger sister was sent to her family – there were 3 sisters of her mother, so she somewhat bounced between them and a cousin; however, for whatever, reason, dil was not, either sent or allowed to go, either by this man – which, how did he have any authority? he was neither married to her mom nor her biological dad, but somehow, since, for whatever reason, he either was willing to let her stay or refusing to let her, he was allowed to continue to have her, even though she didn’t want to be there; she also wanted to go to her family, even though there were other issues as well, which could lead to some other warnings we won’t go into here. However, those other issues are what led to her being placed in foster care, which is a whole other issue that could be addressed that I feel could have been handled differently and there could have some solution found that could have addressed her issues and also allowed her to have stayed with her mother and even helped take care of her, possibly even aiding in her recovery but that wasn’t allowed to happen, so…having said that, both the grandparents mom was placed with were not in good health and not really able to take care of her, especially when she would have periods of decline, so she would have to be placed in a nursing home, only to then be removed and taken back “home” after they got her better. This went on for approximately 2-3 yrs. while dil in foster care, until she aged out of the system and, understandably, wanted to get out of the system and go back closer to her mom, which, at that point, she was allowed to do so, somewhat in a way that she wasn’t before, for whatever all those reasons were and for whatever reasons she was allowed to then, which, again, weren’t necessarily all good. Meanwhile, younger sister had also ended up being placed in foster care as well, though not thoroughly understanding the reason for that, but again, that’s another story. However, by then, maybe because of the foster care, which weren’t all in a foster care home, but institutions, etc., experience, whatever, maybe because of the family situation her mother was placed in, true enough, she didn’t just immediately go to taking care of her mother, but shortly, with a few months, after aging out of the system and going back to her family she met my son and they started a relationship, which her mother really liked – another long story – and ended up getting married within a year, which really seemed to mean a lot to mom; I’m sure she was concerned as to what was going to happen to her daughters, maybe even more her older one; I feel she probably thought she could then take care of the younger one. But also I think she possibly also thought that with her older daughter married that she could possibly take care of her; however, by that point – probably actually early on – her parents had assumed guardianship of her, so that could only be done with their permission – or taking them to court, which they weren’t quite willing to do at that point – and they weren’t willing to grant permission, either, especially when they had moved out of state, which is somewhat understandable; they did have a concern as to how well they would be able to take care of her, even though, medically, she would be in a better place, although they could have chosen to have moved as well, but the rest of their family – other children and all their grandchildren at the time – were there. That made it hard on them because, by that point, she was having the periods of decline more frequently, or maybe because after finally getting her daughter back, her leaving again was even harder on her and on dil as well, especially after she began to expect their first child, which, again, understandably, her mother was eager to be with her daughter through and to see and be with her first grandchild as well, so they moved back but then the tragic catastrophe of the unknown, unseen, diabetes, reared its ugly head, causing dil’s blood sugar to spike extremely high, causing huge distress to this baby, leading to midnight helicopter ride to the big hospital, where it was supposed to be taken but somehow the records weren’t sent (?); not quite sure what happened there and she also actually had not been feeling the baby for a bit – how long? – why couldn’t she get that addressed in that, yes, same small town that had missed her mom’s heart attack? but even there took her/them till the next day to get ultrasound done to confirm what she was suspecting; meanwhile, mom, of course, was wanting to go be with her daughter, so son took her and her sister, while I, as well, of course went to be with her. That was really my first time to spend much time with her. It was so sad. A situation like that would be anyway, of course, but when you have her circumstances like that in addition, it just makes it so much worse. Her physical condition, of course, was enough, as it was, but the cognitive impairment from the stroke made that situation so much worse; she was impacted emotionally by the situation but without really being able to fully comprehend all of what was actually going on, which I don’t think was helped by the fact that, apparently they often don’t go in and go ahead and do C-sections in at least out situation; they make you go ahead and deliver naturally, which, in itself, still might not have been so bad, but apparently what they’d been giving her to help wasn’t doing quite what needed to be done, not sure it was supposed to take 3 days or that they really should have allowed it go that long before they finally came in and took more measures, so 3 days in her hospital room because seemingly there were no sleeping rooms, so either that or the waiting room with nothing but chairs; never heard anything about any other type of place to go designed for hospital families and of course not enough places in room for everybody to stretch out and actually rest and sleep; not sure mom ever got out of her wheelchair, so very emotional with everybody getting tired; no, exhausted, but especially mom, in her state, anyway and really my real point, I’m not sure she realized through all of this what the outcome was going to actually be so when we finally had a delivery and it began to sink in, it was time for her to go; I’ve never really thought about that 4-5 hr. trip home for them but as I think about what I saw later I can only imagine. Later, at the service for the little one, it was very difficult for her; I can sense her somewhat knowledge that she’d lost her children, to get her daughter back, to lose her again, to get her back, so excited to be getting her first grandchild, a granddaughter, only to lose her, maybe to realize she wouldn’t get her back, so in her state, to then want to go be with her, especially with then, son and dil coming back, again, out of state, after all of that, to get away from it. But, again, after a few months, the separation reached a point that they moved back again, this time to stay until the end, which at that point, somewhat seemingly, as alluded to earlier, with the loss of the grandchild and realizing to a degree that dil would ultimately be better off out of state, relating to her and son’s future but realizing she would probably not ever be able to be a part of it, either because of her parents, although, of course, they wouldn’t always be there, but probably because she may have realized that it would probably be the case, regardless, that she would not last until that point anyway, that she would just rather go on and hopefully be with granddaughter, freeing daughter to be able to move on with her future, that she was thrilled to feel that she had a chance at having a good one; do feel that, as part of that, she realized what had happened to her not being married, she was thrilled that daughter had actually found a man willing to marry and commit to her for life and want to help provide for and support her, so she could have peace about that, so the day came when she was willing and ready, especially when the day also came that dil also reached the same point and realized and was ready herself to let her go, as hard as it was for her. I’d like to think I played a part in that, for both of them, really, in them knowing that I would try to be here for her daughter, maybe because I don’t have any of my own, which I guess is really why I’m trying to write this. Within the year of her losing her mother I also lost mine, which I think also helped to make our bond stronger and then within a year of both, she had another beautiful granddaughter, which I wish her mom could have seen and been able to be with, so maybe this is also for her, to help paint a little picture of who her other grandmother is and was, although this is only the last chapter of her life; will have to leave it to mom to write the rest of the book. But just wanted to write up a little tribute to her, on this, as of yesterday, 5 yrs. ago we lost her in a final way, although in many ways the mother dil had had been lost for several years but I’m glad I got to meet the woman I did, anyway, before she gave up completely, to at least know my dil’s mother in some degree. I do miss you, Rhonda, and do wish we could have had more time but I know life was hard, so I can understand; do just hate that it happened.

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Changes

I guess things can’t stay the same forever; the land across from where I grew up was just empty farmland that whole time; it was so nice to be able to stand in the front yard or sit on the front porch with my dad in the evenings after he got in from work and watch the sun set. The man who owned said it was to never be sold but he probably never dreamed of the brave new world of leasing. Guess big bad box store of Wal-mart doesn’t want to tie their money up with buying property or maybe they were just willing to lease this, since it couldn’t be sold, but really think the man who owned never intended it to be developed, was his real idea, but things don’t always go the way we want, maybe even if we actually get explicit about it but certainly if we don’t, at least I hope they didn’t just override it, although I would have thought his attorney, which I would have thought he would have had draw up his will, would have thought of this, but maybe not; maybe would be an interesting question to pose to the property valuation administration as I now deal with my own issue of my own parent’s death; maybe puts a little different perspective on it; anyway, that’s what happened with his death, creating then much more traffic right in front of the little house I grew up in, almost getting my dad run over trying to get across what was already a busy highway to get the mail and paper. That finally got him to agree with mom, who’d been wanting it for a long time, what with what had already been what had caused this in the first place, the commercialization of their neighborhood, being rezoned commercial, which actually I do think dad went along with to increase his property value for the future, in case he ever did want to move; never really heard much about his taxes, might also be something need to check into, but having caused several of the neighbors to already move, leaving mom without hers that were her friends, so she’d been wanting to move for a while, so now dad was as well. Rather interesting that just as soon as they told their best friends, who just happened to live in the area they wanted to move to and just happened to have a son who was a realtor, with his office also pretty much in the same area, he just happened to have a house right where they wanted to move that just happened to have just come up for sale for a price that he just happened to have a buyer for theirs willing to pay just what they would have to get for theirs in order to not have a mortgage on their new place, which had always been a condition for him moving, but could never find such a place where they wanted to move, then besides all that told them their next-door neighbor on their other side – theirs was the last place that had not already gone commercial – had just signed to sell his house, so…all this after dad had agreed to list the house, have a sign put up but only for the weekend, since he wasn’t really entirely comfortable with all of this yet, but with all that he/they signed the paperwork and sold their house and bought the new one before hardly anybody even knew what they were doing, not that we had to, but…

there were other issues; dad had built a nice “garage” – hate to call it just a shed or storage building, it was so nice but really that’s what it was – behind their house;their lot was so narrow you couldn’t even drive around it to get a car in it, which did cause some issues with the tax people when it was built; apparently one which you can put a car in is taxed differently than one you can’t, but which the new house didn’t have, although it did have a 2 car attached garage. However, one of the first things dad did was build a new one, but not nearly so big or nice. The new owner of the old house then turned around and sold the house to be moved out in the country (anybody remember Virginia Lee Burton’s children’s house The Pink House, I believe, about the house that eventually got moved); however, the “garage” was just torn down, when it should have been stipulated to have been allowed to have been moved to their new place, rather ate into their sale price, having to build a new one, or they should have held out for more to cover building a new one, but that’s where the neighbor sale came in, which not sure what exactly happened there but it didn’t; he didn’t move for years.

Then, in addition to that, there naturally had to be a reason why this particular house in this particular neighborhood would be one that would have this sale price on it; it wasn’t built well, kinda like building in earthquake territory a house not built to code; you won’t know it until you have an earthquake, though had they had my uncle’s, who were builders, to look at this one, they would have known; however, it probably wouldn’t have mattered; it was where they wanted at a price, although that goes back to their buyer only wanted their lot; however, it was the smallest one in their neighborhood, so not really sure how much more they really could have gotten for it and with dad almost getting run over, they were ready; however,

also, right after they moved, the neighbor who didn’t got the post office to move the mailboxes over to their side of the road so he didn’t have to cross the road anymore, which somewhat annoyed mother; however,

she was the one who’d been wanting to move anyway and she certainly enjoyed being back to living in a neighborhood, not a commercial development, so guess it all worked out well in that regard anyway.

Loved the house I grew up in though; it had a real stone façade, not this veneer stuff they have now and not the flat stones, the real, rough, rugged kind. Those, of course, had to be taken off, for the house to be moved and very few people are going to go to the trouble to put something like that on anymore. The house was built by a builder for his own family, so you’ll more often find that someone like that will be more willing to put those extra touches. However, the new owners of the house were going to take them and make a fireplace and chimney, of course; it had a perfect spot in the house for it; it had a window at the end that only looked out into the carport.

The new house did have something I’d always wished for, though; a covered porch, not very deep, but there, nonetheless, with a walkway leading to the front door on it, something our old house never had; rarely was the front door, the one dad and I used to sit on the porch of to watch the setting son, used by anybody coming in or out, since there was no walkway to it. It also had a walkway to the back deck, something the old one didn’t have either, since, again, the lot was so narrow, the driveway could only go to the carport, not beside or beyond it to the back. This did cause problems later on, however, since those squares not being a solid walkway caused mom to stumble as her hip began giving her problems with her walking.

Both mom and dad had grown up in the country, albeit on opposite sides of the county, but mom had moved to town to a boarding house to work in the local factory, with, it turned out to be, dad’s sister, which is how they ended up meeting while dad was off to war with his parents doing the same thing while he was gone, only during that time, sister/my aunt actually worked out in the country yet another direction at the munitions plant, which of course shut down with the end of the war and my dad coming home. Both of the houses they grew up in were eventually torn down; dad’s was sold for his parents to buy their house in town while my uncle was able to buy the one mom grew up in, so him tearing it down was somewhat harder for mom to take. My dad was one of 7 children, having 3 brothers and 3 sisters. I wish I could have seen the house they grew up in, though I can picture it, from the stories he told. Mom and I used to go out to where she grew up and get that good rich woods dirt, as she called it, to bring back, some for our garden, mostly for her flowers and plants she loved so much, but mainly what I remember and so glad I can do the same now for my granddaughter, was digging sassafras root.

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In 1985

In 1985, my mom was 5 yrs. older than I am now. She died on Mother’s Day – so a day I’ll never forget –  4 yrs. ago, 9 days before she would have turned 85, so she would have turned 90 this year. wow, I can hardly envision that. I’m so glad I threw her a party for her 80th birthday, which I guess then would have been in 2005; hard to believe what happened just a short month after that, but explains why I didn’t get to be there (just like didn’t get to be there for the one she threw for my dad’s 80th either) but so glad to have found the lady who you could get to come set up one for you (through my oldest son; was a former girlfriend’s mom) and invited all her friends, like mom did for dad – they were so glad and surprised. So glad she got to enjoy it before her health started to really begin to decline the next year – maybe because of what did happen that I hate and feel so guilty for. Even if she had already gotten the Bell’s Palsy that she didn’t really get over, left with residual facial damage (that later on caused the ER people to think she’d recently had a stroke). Somehow was thinking she’d already retired by then but guess not. That was the year I met my husband. But she was still active then; she and her cousin were out pulling an old trunk out of an old barn when she saw – or at least thought she did – a snake and jumped back and crushed her heel, then another time somehow fell (but in an elderly way) or maybe even jumped off their back porch (not too high) and crushed her elbow but she was still able to handle those type things then. Not like later when she fell down the steps (must higher and steeper, because realized then had been built wrong) of new house they’d moved to and scraped all up her leg and wasn’t able to handle things so well; that was the last time she did laundry for her church. Her hair’d begun to thin; she hated that so bad. And she just didn’t have the shine to her eyes any more. My dad was 7 yrs. older than her. He passed away in January of this year; mom dying 4 yrs. ago really did something to him; up until then he lived to take care of her, still mowed his own yard, knew who I was and all but after he lost her, he would begin to think I was her. Especially after his baby sister died about 2 yrs. before him; after mom died he took on the role – probably again – of taking care of her, making sure he went to see about her every week when he went to the grocery. But he’d still call out mom’s name. “Lizbeth!” That last year before she died she stayed in bed so much he worried about her so. He never thought she’d leave him; he needed to know she hadn’t. And all she wanted was for him to not leave her; guess she got her wish, but don’t think she ever realized how lost he’d be without her. Really, to be honest, I don’t think any of the rest of us did but then we never thought we’d ever have to find out either. (more later)

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Columbus Day – day of discovery – right

yep, we’re one of those – get/have to take, whichever way want to look at it – not official anymore but get floating holiday so have to use to take day off since the govt guys still get it so can’t go to work – anyway hub off

so long story but decided to run up to his favorite thrift store, see if could find a coat for little – well, not so little anymore – had her birthday couple weeks ago, turned 4 – granddaughter -

got there, maybe it’s this new vehicle but he wants to back in anywhere now so was doing so but not straight so pulls up to straighten up and back back in so stopped to do so and could not believe my eyes; while stopped this lady just backed right into us; not sure what’s going on with poor hub – maybe, like ins. lady just said today, after what had just happened to us, he’s gotten gunshy; anyway he just froze, was trying to get in gear to back up and could have gotten out of her way – but maybe like not taking the ditch with the other one to get out of his way but at least he didn’t try to deny it; but then she got out and tried to say we hit her, that we were still moving – well, I was sitting right there watching and that not going to fly. And she was going pretty fast, for a parking lot, because she really messed up her vehicle’s back bumper; didn’t hurt ours in this case; so cops were called –  because pretty sure it damaged enough for the limit for them to be called – thought she did but found out later he did – suspended our limits on our cell phone, found out. She called husband, turned out her insurance card she gave the police was expired but he didn’t know that husband said they don’t even have insurance with that company anymore so the info on the accident report was going to be wrong but doesn’t matter anyway depending on how he wrote it up, which we don’t have yet, but…

they called today, said their insurance company got their for them, which normally, no, does not happen, at least ours can’t get, but they said theirs wasn’t done officially either, that theirs has connections; well, oh, well, then they said that from ours on the report they called our company and found we hadn’t talked to them yet, turned one in, or filed a claim; well, if it’s as they say and says it’s their fault; well, duh, why would we, our insurance isn’t going to pay to fix their car if they hit us, but now they’re trying to say that hub said he would – well, they then said he said he would “take care of it”, well, after they said that the first thing, which is true, that she asked him was if he had insurance; yes, and we’ll tell them, but then she’s saying; well, what she actually said first; that he said he would pay for it and they were calling to tell us they’d taken it in and gotten a discounted estimate from someone they knew – ok? don’t quite think so but sometimes knowing him, could be but I’m certainly not passing on the info; then said they’d called our insurance and were told either we hadn’t talked to them or that we hadn’t turned in the report or filed a claim; true, we keep forgetting to see about it since not our fault and we not damaged, so called and think they did call but she gone to lunch; they very interested in this, so will see; they to call and really if they did call should have already

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