Starting the next round

the ob/gyn finally told dil no more pain pills so she seems to be doing better now with that but so finally got her into the new, to them, since they moved, mental health center, thanks to a no-show – somebody like her when she would make appointments – don’t they know these people can’t keep them but then on the other hand she always managed to keep the ones with the ob/gyn and we’ll see what next week brings – oh, yes, we will after the no-show there today that led to her being able to see a therapist who told her she needed immediate intensive care treatment, so why didn’t she see that she got it instead of leaving it up to her to get it herself? now, how much of this has to do with this that I’ve run across this evening

For the child taken from her home

And made to feel so all alone


which is what happened to her                                                                                                                                                                




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28 yrs. today

7 leap years later our anniversary is on the same day we got married on – a Saturday – and almost as hot – hub actually was able to check in this wonderful era we’ve found ourselves in – thinking today we got married right in the middle of a technological revolution – went thrifting today and saw a memory typewriter – remember when those first came out – had one – used one at work – the latest, coolest thing – no more typewriters erasers or correcting tape or even correcting selectric- all that horrible stuff – the advent of the work processor – all typing digital now; correct before it ever hits the paper – how cool is that – entering into a brave new world; anyway, now with just a click of a button able to look up the weather 28 yrs. ago – slightly hotter there than here but probably basically about the same; however, still limitations, doesn’t have the humidity factor, which I feel sure was much more there than here; had dated for the rest of the year but not through the summer before so had never seen him in the heat and humidity; he does not handle it well; was not good; wasn’t sure what I’d gotten myself into but today 28 yrs. later, wasn’t so bad; had a good day

but 28 yrs. ago today I’d won a meal at a restaurant called the Wagon Wheel, not unlike one now close to use that we’ve never eaten at, but then you can imagine, especially since we couldn’t afford a big fancy spread reception like people have now but then I’d never been to one like that then anyway, how hungry we were so really appreciated that nice meal; we’d decided rather than spend a lot of time on a trip we’d just spend the night at a cabin at the lake at the local state park and then enjoyed being able to just spend time there we decided to just stay and spend our honeymoon there, enjoying just walking around and spending time together.

Then we made our move to where he lived, getting here just in time for the annual Founder’s Day, which used to be held on that weekend but has now been moved to the first one; find that rather interesting. We’d decided to let me more or less have the summer off since I’d worked for so long, to just play tourist, so, like so many non-natives vs natives, I learned more about the touristy spots around than those who’d lived here all their lives; really enjoyed it. Then started back in that fall tutoring literacy with the local Adult Basic Education program that I’d been studying for in college before. Just enjoyed that first year, winding it up with helping with vacation bible school, then at the end with a trip to Florida, stopping on the way at the zoo at the capital then spending the night at another state park, camping this time, then being able to have dinner with my cousin in Florida before coming back home, the same trip to Florida our now 18 yr. old is on now. With buying and moving onto our land in between.

2nd year – pregnant with 1st son, born shortly before 2nd anniversary – had helped in vacation bible school the year before but not this year with him coming on Memorial Day weekend right before.

3rd year – busy with new baby

4th year – year of the no car, after the one I came into the marriage with bit the dust and for a lot of reasons we weren’t able to get another one, not that it was that big a deal; just enjoyed being home with a growing one year old and spending time with hub on the weekends exploring this new state I was living in since I was here and loving it; guess always been a book lover at heart but still remember one particular little thrift/used bookstore place found right over the line (yea I know) in the next state where found my first Louisa May Alcott book not of the Little Women series – her autobiographical Hospital Sketches, reprinted by Applewood Books – interesting because I found another reprint of her works by Stephen Hines at another bigger place like that. We did have another car by that year’s end however, thanks to his cousin.

5th year – this was a rough year for me, with hub joining the fire department, then ending with him losing his job

6th year – made for an interesting year what with hub being out of work for almost all of it but yet in some ways made it better with not having the pressure of a job, especially on top of being the first year in the fire department with having to do all the intial training, then he was awarded rookie of the year! then just as it seemed we would lose it all toward the end, he got a new job! which worked out good because by then he was through with all that training.

7th year – however, this job paid considerably less than his old job did – but thankful just to have him back at work!

8th year – struggling with finances, hub decides to go back to school to get his computer science degree that they didn’t offer when he was in school before.

9th year – we’d finally – long story – started again to try for another child and had not had any success so then we had finally decided to just quit worrying about it – if it happened, ok, and if not, we’d be okay with that as well; we’d still like to have one more but actually by this point we were getting concerned age wise – we weren’t that young when we got married – but I guess that did it – relaxing over it all – because, yes, this was the year! so ending on that note – for now…
on this our 28th anniversary is why we have our 18 yr. old – so, yes, that would be right now, wouldn’t it, since he was born during our 10th year of marriage; he’ll be 19 this year and he has been a real blessing, as has our other one as well of course but having the last one after so much has been different.
Been a good weekend.

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It’s Over – well, maybe

At least the surgery is over; had the hysterectomy Wednesday of last week and what a crazy day it turned out to be; with being in town anyway once they took her back and came out and told us they had her, left little one with her dad and papa, dare I say “babysitting”; no, why, she’s his child too, though I’d like to just grab him (her dad/son not hub) up by the scruff of his neck and get him out of all these electronic devices I didn’t raise him on – anyway left and went to the local VA clinic to confirm the orders for the new home care and sure enough the nurse said couldn’t be done because his doctor was on vacation so told her the arranging person had told me there was a doctor covering that could and should take care of this; oh you should have seen the look on her face but she just then told I just needed to take it up with them then and turned around and walked off so I went to the front desk to ask them to contact her rather than just do it myself; wanted them to know what had happened and they were not happy; wonder if they’ll report her, it’s her job not the front desk people’s but I got a good one who reached out above and beyond and we contacted the arranger again and she said she would take care of it; this time she’ll send the note directly to the covering doctor instead of his actual one to have to depend on the nurse to deliver – ok, back to the hospital where, yes, papa’s had her out walking around but left for work when I got back, so stayed till we got her settled in her room, once the fire drill was over and we got the cleaners out who said they have to stay there an hour; uh, yea, the nurse not happy to hear that one either – anyway, hadn’t heard anything by then so made the trip back and sure enough, here comes the nurse again to run me off again – uh, no, not this time – I’m here for the duration so….it took a little while but she did come out and tell me it was done. And, oh, yea, the other one did end up not coming today after all; she’d actually come the day before but not for discharge then came first thing the next morning for that but not that day, thankfully – and oh, btw, when her doctor came in to see her in her room later he did say he saw then when he got in there why she’d been in so much pain the past 2 yrs., that she did have a lot of scar tissue buildup, so…

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Pre-op and Drama

well, finally had the pre-op visit with the doc re dil’s hysterectomy; scheduled for Wednesday at 8AM, of course the very day the registered physical therapist said she could come do her final visit for husband’s uncle that need to be there to go over being able to keep her coming, so they’d been saying her visit could be rescheduled around my schedule; we’ll see because sure don’t see any way to do that one; had a call in, think got it but missed it, tried to return, didn’t get through or get recalled, so…see what tomorrow brings. Then oh, all the legal beagle stuff re dad’s death; his house, etc. see what this weekend brings re all that as well, when people want what should they have?

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An Easter to Forget (or Remember)

This year Easter is about 3 weeks later than it was last year so it feels strange, since last year it was the very last day of March – the 31st – the day our little granddaughter would have turned 8 mos. old – except that the day before we had turned off her life support. She had been born July 31st and found the next day to have a severe heart defect that couldn’t even be taken care by the usual surgeries they normally do; there was only was option, to have an “experimental” procedure done to attempt to repair it by forcing it to work, a procedure that is very hard on them and has only about a 33% chance of success, although there’d been improvement on all those it had been tried on, but we may have waited too long to risk it; she may have been too sick by the time we went for it but we can’t live there now. We did have it done and tried but that seemed to be the case or maybe that had nothing to do with it since we have a friend with a daughter in the hospital right now who seems to be going through the same thing that has nothing to do with her heart; has to do with her – tmi – digestive system, which ultimately is what her autopsy told us, even to the surprise of the cardiology department, maybe because they didn’t think outside their box and check into that. She just kept getting sicker and sicker – not sure what’s going to happen with my friend but she at least does already have that specialist on board; I tried but just couldn’t get it done but even though she does he’s not at the hospital where she is, the same one where we were and where she’s not been happy with that department, which is why her specialist isn’t there; eager and anxious to see what happens tomorrow; hope they don’t let her go too long, although she’s somewhat been expecting this for a while, just not this way; she wound up being emergently admitted, even as she was on her way home from an out of state doctor appointment with another specialist for another one of her children and maybe would have to have been for the immediate emergency but then what, what somewhat wound up being our situation; anyway they let her get to the point they said there was nothing else “they” could do only they actually said there was nothing else that could be done, especially since by then they said she was too unstable to be move anywhere else, like where we’d gone for the “experimental” procedure but of course it seemed we were past it being her heart issue that they’d dealt with at that point but nobody was even checking to see about anything, somewhat seems to be the point friend is at as well; I wanted more done but, long story, mom was worn out by that point and just couldn’t go any further, not with the hospital saying all that and she’d been through so much by that point as well; she seemed herself to just give you “that look” of please, just let me go and maybe in many ways it was best.

This has come after reading of a similar post by someone else who was supposed to have been able to adopt around Easter but then it was snatched away but in retrospect they realize what an upheaval – not just the normal of any adoption, of course, but this particular one – it would have been, in some not so good ways – and though, yes, in many ways we do know what bringing her home would have meant, in our particular situation and circumstance – mom doesn’t drive, for one – it would have been a very difficult situation and she has a big sister that would have had to been involved in all of that – not that that possibly would have been an entirely bad thing but just very difficult, not like the usual, where I could keep her while mom took care of things; the only other way would be for me to have the authority to take care of things with little sister while big one just stayed home with mom and I’m not sure she would have wanted that and not sure how the powers that be would have gone along with that; at the time couldn’t even get that on the table; that’s a whole other issue.

However, for good or bad, right or wrong, up or down, the decision was made and the day before Easter last year we made that move. It did turn out differently than usual, though, in that we were able to do it down in the chapel at the hospital rather than just in her room in the cicu and had several people from the family there, her great-grandmother and great-aunt, cousin – well, dad’s cousin and husband, who had actually stayed with her the previous few nights – mom and dad just couldn’t bring themselves to do it (does that say anything? anyway) as well as, of all the ironies, the friend I’ve just been talking about, as well as another one but this one, who’s been so strong through all she’d been through with hers, broke down over this. Why in particular – because of the very thing she’s possibly facing right now – she’s had to come to terms with the fact she might face this very thing with this particular child, her daughter, herself, and she’d not wanted to think about it and now, on this Easter, here/there she is.

When I started this I hadn’t even thought about her; this was just going to be a remembrance of this day last year for us until it all began to come together – oh wow

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Georgia here we come – back from

following on the prior post at the job gained – boss wanted son to go pick him up a part for a personal project he was working on – not something for the shop – and he would not only pay for the part and his gas but also for his time so – let me go back a bit – this job at least had a steady pay but I believe no commission, just straight pay, which can be good if you’re not getting much work but bad if you are – calmer, not so stressful, but you’ve been running on adrenaline, can be a crash, so glad for the opportunity for a little extra cash so headed out but…had class that night, so was going to be tight, anyway – feel that adrenaline pumping again? so actually just found out recently doing 70ish in a 55 zone – think part of it  no good way to get there interstate wise from here – have to go way out of the way either north or south to pick one up and he used to driving on them at their speeds; can’t handle them little back country roads and them little back country towns, though he should remember when his mom did that one time on a trip she made (yes, me) wasn’t speeding – at least not at that speed – but still a speed trap, but anyway…got that ticket that he then didn’t pay, which led to all the other down the road stemming though, again, from a law change, job change, move, being known, etc., here we go and of all the days, etc. and so forth 

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Job Ups and Downs and The Birthday

Feel like trying to play catch up again – posted about son’s losing his job over all the stuff that happened and it being a favor, in a way, which it was, somewhat, at the time, but then came the time after everything that happened that it was time to get back in gear – oh, maybe not  in the grieving, mourning sense and that’s a whole other topic and issue but somewhat for the way I’ve slanted this at least for now, financially, it needed to happen for us, although in this time frame since other things have happened but that’s another issue as well; anyway hub told son he needed to try to get back to work so…first think thought he’d found an automotive position but turned to actually be at a car crushing facility – automotive recycling, they call it now; by now, today, just pointed out to hub they’ve put one in just down the road from the house, which, in all of that, he’d applied for a position at an actually automotive repair shop just down the road from there, which I wish I’d looked at/for today, but it was a small, independent shop and I believe it may be gone already; seems he had a buddy on down the road from there but seemingly because it was small and independent and interesting, somewhat a whole manager concept or maybe just old school hitting new one, he wanted him to be already certified, maybe because he wasn’t and you pretty much now have to have somebody involved who is, and since he’s not quite yet; really can’t be quite yet, needed that yrs. experience after school in order to even be able to test for it, he couldn’t get that position but working at an “auto recycler” is not the place to be able to qualify either and after almost getting hit by one of those engines they were taking out and not telling him like they were supposed to; they seemed to be the type like this deputy the other day who shot someone in Wal-mart but that, too, is another story; and also they were supposed to work with him on his school, which at the time, he was supposed to still be trying to work out – even though seems he found out couldn’t quite anyway but they told him then after he started they couldn’t be accommodating his school even though it was only to allow him to come in to work just an hour late, but no…so when that happened plus he got sick because they had him out in the hot sun all day, which they hadn’t told or shown him before would be the way it would be so wound up in the ER over that plus is that where he got the metal in his eye? so that needed to be the end of that; not sure which way it went, but not good except good in some ways for it to be over.

Now he then did get a job at an actual automotive repair shop where he was supposed to have the supervision he’s supposed to have in order to be able to test for his certification but again, what was promised ahead of time was not what was delivered after; he was “thrown”, if you will, out to work on vehicles on his own, in any type of situation, not of all of which he had the experience to handle on his own and not getting the help that he needed or was promised; they didn’t have time and if he couldn’t handle it maybe he didn’t need to be working there and maybe he didn’t, but he’s not the one who misrepresented; they were, and then came the fateful day of what would have been our little one’s first birthday, which was a hard day for him, anyway; maybe that’s where the pushing to start too soon came from, which leads to whole other issues regarding the whole financial situation, but between all of that and the job situation there he wound up leaving a customer’s car out of gear and it getting out of control at the shop; not sure who took care of it, don’t think it actually hit anything but could have been really bad so….not quite as bad as could be, didn’t actually get fired, don’t come back ever but….think need to go home till can handle it, so…..but, again, maybe a favor, because, again, like said, not good situation really anyway, not what or where he needed to be yet, anyway, not just because of that but because of their, unacknowledged, misrepresentation – new management had already fired all the old staff and was trying to start over and build the business back up so really wasn’t in a position to do what he needed to have done but again the pressure to get a job may have contributed to him possibly misrepresenting himself, not that he would have said he was certified but he’s always the type to inspire confidence that, attribute-wise anyway, he can do the job, which, had they done their part like they said and possibly under other circumstances, had that date not happened just when it did, he could have but not then so…..

But, again, maybe a favor, because then he found a job more suitable to where he was at the time – he even told them up front the situation and circumstances and they worked with him, not that that really had to be that much at that job; it just didn’t have all the variations anyway so he could work more steadily on one type of thing and get that experience under his belt and not have to deal with the stress of being stretched to his limits every day so…job gain – good thing – leading to the next situation

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